Intimate Moment with Mary and Martha

Okay Jules, you thought your post was late... here it is 5:15 (my time) and I'm just getting to it. (I have an iron clad excuse though... I was at the hospital all day with a sister who was having ankle surgery. We're finally home, she's still a bit whiney and I came up here to hide out for a few minutes until I can get my patience back.) On to the story of Mary and Martha:

Being a # 1 on the Enneagram, my heart has always gone out to Martha. I've given my share of dinner parties, and the hostess can rarely enjoy herself. There are too many details to attend to, even when you plan simple, pre-prepared meals, (and Martha had no local deli to buy her potato salad) it's still a lot of work. My assumption has also always been that Martha had somehow been cast as the "mommy" of the family. She may have done that to herself, but once cast, she was stuck. So Mary's chatting it up with Jesus, Lazarus is probably doing the guy thing, and Martha is left to do it all. My judgmental mind also wonders how Mary could so easily not notice her sister bustling around, probably making sighing noises everytime she passed by. I love what Claire said about Jesus loving Martha enough to not give her what she wanted. Amen. Instead he gave her a template for a new way to think, to be. I still think Mary could have helped.

An Intimate Moment with Mary and Martha

Sorry I'm so late posting today ladies. Right when I sat down to work on this post last night we had a line of thunderstorms that blew through at 65 mph so I had to get off the computer and stay off the rest of the night. You know THAT was fun!

Then, this morning, I came in to work early to write this post and wouldn't you know that every engineer known to man came in early TOO and every single one of them stopped to "chit chat" even though I was making my best "please do not bother me until the clock strikes 7:30" face!"

So...here it is - 11 am and I'm just now starting to write my post, although I wonder why I'm bothering because what is left to say after the post Claire just wrote! Holy cow, woman!

(hahaha)

Okay, the thing that stuck with me the most about this was that this story always seems to be a double edged sword to me. Remember what year it is ladies...and tell me that Martha wasn't right in assuming that Jesus wouldn't want the women out in the kitchen making dinner like every OTHER man! Of course Martha thought he would want a meal...that was basically their lot in life back then, was it not? To serve the men...to cook for the men...it sure wasn't in sitting down at a man's feet with other men and try to LEARN something.

So - it always kind of made me mad when he admonished her for wanting Mary out in the kitchen with her. IMHO, he should have gone out, told her to put the bread down and please just come visit with him - that he wanted her company more than her food - otherwise, how was she to know? All she knew was she was Cinderella and the other girl was going to the ball.

Now, that said...

***as I step off my soapbox***

I do get the point of the story and I totally love it. It reminds me of when my mother started to go through menopause and she came home for a visit and said how nice and clean my house was (of course, I had knocked myself out trying to get it ready for a "mom" visit...) and then she said, "Yeah, I don't clean much any more. I finally realized I had more important things to do with my time than dust every day. Your father hasn't seemed to notice so the heck with it...

I almost fell off my chair! My mom not spending her entire day cleaning? What???

And thus began my shift in attitude, also. Life IS too short to spend the whole day in the kitchen or doing "womens' work." I still can't stand to live in filth, but my shelves have maybe been dusted twice since Christmas because nobody cares if they have a little dust on them - especially JESUS and certainly not ME!

Now I put my love for Him first, my health and welfare second, my family and friends (and Gracie) third, and all the rest gets done when it gets done.

I did realize while reading this that my best friend and I make up the Mary/Martha mix. She'd be the first one to be in the middle of the party an I'd be out in the kitchen making all the appetizers! I think having some of both qualities is important but it's fun to see which of these two women you resemble most and then decide if this is the one you really LIKE best.

I am going to put a higher priority now on being MARY.

An Intimate Moment with Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42)

This is another one of my favorite passages, I think because it really offers hope to me. You see, a very large part of me is a Martha. I can tend to display my "martyr" syndrome and I can do it pretty well, even if I do say so myself. However, another large part of me is Mary. I desire to sit at His feet and worship extravagantly. The tyranny of the urgent seems to come into play more often than I would like however.

How I desire to be like Jesus! He is my supreme example. He was never in a hurry. He wasn't held hostage to the world's demands or even its desperate needs. He only did what the Father told Him to do. Why can't I be like that? I only do what the Father tells me to do....*sigh*

I read in a book which said Jesus went from place of prayer to place of prayer and did miracles in between. How incredible to be so in tune with God that not one action is wasted, not one word falls to the ground!

What is encouraging to me is that the Martha I see later in the Gospels is no longer frantic and resentful, but full of faith and trust. The kind of faith and trust that come only from spending time at Jesus' feet. Mary also does some changing too. When disaster strikes, Mary's tendency is to be swamped with sorrow and paralyzed with questions. But in the end, when she realizes Jesus' time is short, Mary puts into action what she has learned in worship. She steps forward and seizes the opportunity to serve both beautifully and sacrificially.

Two completely different women undergo a transformation right before our eyes: a holy makeover, if you please. :D The bold becomes meek, the mild one courageous. For it is impossible to be in the presence of Jesus and not be changed.

Okay, now to Gire's meditation. Busyness, by itself, breeds distraction. Martha opened her home to Jesus, but that doesn't automatically mean she opened her heart. In her eagerness to serve Jesus, she almost missed the opportunity to know Jesus.

While our world applauds achievement, almost demands it, God desires companionship. He whispers, "Be still and know that I am God." When I put work before worship, I put the cart before the horse. Oh yes, the cart is important; so is the horse. But the horse must come first, or I end up pulling the cart myself. Frustrated and weary, I can nearly break under the pressure of service, for there is always something that needs to be done.

When I spend time in His presence....when I take time to hear His voice....God provides the horsepower I need to pull the heaviest load. The "one thing" is not found in doing more. It's found by sitting at His feet.

Martha felt things weren't fair. I find when I look for injustice, I usually find it. Satan usually plans his attacks around the "three deadly Ds of destruction." By that, I mean, distraction, discouragement, and doubt. Get people's eyes off God and on to their circumstances. Make them believe that their "happiness" lies in the "happenings" that surround them. If I am overly bogged down and worried with 'duties', then the chance that my heart will not hear the Savior's call is very probable. At least I am more vulnerable to attack. And, even pure ministry for Jesus can become a weight to be dragged around.

He alone is what I need. Remember, God's existence is written upon man's heart. What is it in us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always "know," to always, "understand"? We seem to want an itinerary for our life and when God doesn't immediately produce one, we set out to write our own. All the while, we tell ourselves (at least I do) that we need to know. But God answers, ever so softly, "No, you need to trust."

I love the compassion of Christ in this story. He saw Martha's situation. He understood her complaint. However, He loved her too much to give her what she wanted. He gave her what she needed. An invitation to draw close to Him.

"Lord, do you care?" Of course He cares for that is why He came. God entered the world through the same doorway we do. He cares. We had better believe it! I firmly believe that until we stop doubting God's goodness, we can't experience God's love.

I need to remind myself that concern draws me to God but worry pulls me from Him. When I pray, then the peace of God comes and takes me into "protective custody." It stands guard at the door of my heart, transcending, surpassing, and confounding my own human understanding, bringing me peace.

His light illuminates everything that is wrong and ugly about our lives. Unconsciously, therefore, we may flee from God's presence rather than pursue it. Intimacy with God may require leaving our comfort zones. Ugh. But regardless of my temperament, or my emotional preference, I am called to intimacy with God. What Martha needed is the one thing we all need. Oh how easy it is for me to confuse duty with devotion!!

Sorry this is so long....there is so much which can be shared and learned about Mary and Martha! And their lives touch every single woman...we are either a Mary or a Martha. Even if we are a combination of them both, there is one side more pronounced.

Baby News

well, had my first appointment today at the dr's.... Everything looks good, I am measuring 6 weeks and 6 days... so due middle of November

I have started a pregnancy blog, so you can keep up with me there.... but be forewarned that sometimes it could be graphic, as we all know what parts pregnancy deals with.... I wont be hurt if you dont read or anything, just putting it out there, ya know
www.xanga.com/alifeordinary

An Insiders Look at OCD

Hmmmm…. Ive never written about my OCD in detail, I guess because Ive never trusted that much. Rarely, have I even talked about it – mostly just with my husband. I cant say this is going to be very good or easily understood. How do you explain something to someone who has never experienced it themselves? How do you explain color to a blind man?

Lets see…. Ive had OCD since I was 11. I was very aware that it was developing, but had no way of knowing what it was or how to control it. I only found out the name when I was reading an article about it in a magazine once. This was before general access to the internet, so I had know real way to educate myself on this disorder. Even now that I do have access, I really haven’t looked too far into it. For one, I don’t feel a need – Im already an expert on what it can do to you and make you do. Secondly, my OCD dictates that I don’t.

I know OCD takes on many forms and everyone’s is probably similar, but yet completely personal and unique to that person. And maybe everyone has it to a degree, I don’t know. I only know of my own. Mine is not the cleaning, hand-washing, germaphobe type that you typically see on tv or movies (like Monk). I am very lax on germs most times and I hate cleaning. I also don’t really have to do the same things over and over a certain number of times – like touch the doorknob or lightswitch 5 times.

My OCD is based more in symmetry and order. One of the big things that I do a lot is read the road signs. Uh yeah, I know most people read the road signs. But I have to read them all in a certain order and a certain annunciation. And do this before I come to the next road sign, or I cant read the next road sign – which I have to do. I have pretty much all the road signs memorized from any way I travel usually. Like for instance, any speed limit sign, I must say that sign twice because there is probably another one on the other side of the road that matches it, and if there isn’t, there should be. When we travel, often I do not like outside the window if I know a lot of signs are upcoming because I don’t want to go through the hassle because if I see them, I must go through this ritual. Or I look past them into fields or at the buildings, but if I see one word on the sign, I must do the whole thing.

Another thing that I do that is probably not going to make any sense to anyone is outline things. Any situation I see, inside my mouth, I use my tongue to outline whatever I see. Like on tv, if there is a persons head, I outline that in my mouth. Or in a room, I outline all the furniture. Or on the road I outline the signs (along with doing my reading) or telephone poles – which are tedious b/c there is no end to them. This is a constant thing.

Other things I do are putting things in a certain order or spacing. Like if I set my glass down, the bottom has to set down perfectly where all of the bottom of the glass touches. Half of the glass cant touch before the other part does. I have to redo this over and over until I get it right.

At my old church, I used to do the church sign – you know with the clever sayings and all. There was only room to do about one sentence, but it usually took me at least an hour or an hour and a half until I got it because everything had to be spaced out perfectly. It all had to be centered. Both lines has to be symmetrical to one another. The spacing between letters had to be perfect and exact, as did the spacing between words.

I don’t know if any of you saw The Aviator and Leonardo DiCaprio plays Howard Hughes which had OCD. There is a part of the movie that Leo kept repeating the same phrase over and over. It was very obvious to me that Leo did not have OCD because he did that part completely wrong, although probably convincing to anyone that does not have OCD. He kept saying the same phrase over and over the same way. ODC-er’s would have said this phrase over and over, but with ever so slight differences. I know because I do this as well. The annunciation must be perfect, so I say things over and over until I feel it is correct – usually under my breath though so no one else hears me and thinks Im crazy – unless its my husband, I do this in front of him. Same thing with reading. I often read something over and over until I feel I am annunciating it right in my head.

My husband must endure this as well. He must do certain things a certain way or I will wait until he does do them a certain way. This is harder to give examples for, but I know I do it with the blanket that I use. The blanket looks square, but it is a very slight rectangle, and I, obviously know which sides are the longest. If he puts the blanket on me, then he must put it lengthwise, or do it over. There are certain places that we have to walk a certain path. Hes pretty good at putting up with me b/c I think he understands how hard it is for me.

These are just some of the things that I do. But the worst one is that I have voices in my head telling me to do harmful things. Usually to myself. Sometimes to other people. A lot of it is to find out how it would feel. I do not do these things. I have enough control over myself not to have to mind these voices, but they are there a lot and come out of the blue. For example, in high school, it almost made me anorexic. I could only eat a certain amount of food a day and that was it. That scared me, so I had my mom take me to the dr. That’s when I was really diagnosed with OCD, although I knew I had way before then. I took prozac for awhile, but it didn’t do anything at all, so I quit. I don’t like taking medicine anyway.

Why do I do these things? Because I feel compelled to. I must do them, there is no ultimatum, I just simply must do them. I often feel out of control, and know that I could probably stop if I wanted, but I cant. I think this is the hardest part to explain to people. I simply cannot quit doing these things even though I am conscious of them. I have tried before to not do a few things, but the voices/compulsions eat me alive and I find myself going back and doing them so I can get some peace. And in a weird way, doing these things has now become a comfort.

Ok, so there you go… a brief inside look on OCD. I am telling you this because I trust you not to think Im crazy. Not to think Im possessed. Not to go telling everyone about what Ive said or anything.

I interrupt this message...

Hey! We're slowly making out way to the end of this book. I was wondering...

Anybody got an idea what we should all read next???

Two things I think would be helpful when thinking about a new book: Can we easily dissect it into readable sections and is it fairly easy to read (not to technologically theological) but high in the thought provoking catagory?

If you have any ideas - especially now that we know each other better and have a sense of what we like and don't like about this book - let me know either here in the comments or email me. I'll start looking at new choices and then we can have a vote!

I think it might also be a good idea to take this down to a Monday/Thursday thing instead of three times a week - especially since the next book will take us into the summer months. We may even want to do a once-a-week thing where each person writes their review of the chapter read on a different day of the week and then we all spit out comments as they are unveiled.

So, start thinking about it - how can we get the maximum pleasure with the least amount of time consumption but still be connected enough to feel like we are still a book club and by all means start to think about other people that might want to join in.

Okay, I return you to your normally scheduled programming...

A short word from our sponsors...

ok, ok, as requested I will do a post about the new house and the pregnancy and such

The new house - love it, love it, love it..... it still doesnt quite feel like "home" most days but I know that will come with time... I feel like I can breathe in this house now that I actually have room to move around.... I cant seem to find time to unpack boxes though - some thing always comes up, so we still have lots of stuff to move and unpack... last night we moved all 4 dogs over - what a site! Four dogs (3 of them quite large) in an 88 tercel hatchback with my husband going down the road (Gabe and I were following in my car) - they did so well at the new house, barely any barking, I was so impressed.... but my little one has a bad habit of finding ways to get out, which is not good in the country, but really bad in town, so Im praying that she doesnt find a way out... I will take pics when we get all of our stuff in

Pregnancy - sick off and on.. yuck... last pregnancy I was nauseous all day, every day for the first 4 months... this time its just off and on, but its still no fun b/c you never know when its going to hit, and its very frustrating to be hungry but not want to eat anything for fear of it making you sick.... also, I am extremely tired with this pregnancy, which is also different from the last - I was barely fatigued then, but now Im ready for bed at 8:30 - this is a large part of why boxes are going unpacked.... but I am ever joyful to have a new life growing inside of me, and will gladly take on these inconveniences for the privilege of being part of a miracle

and a prayer request.... I dont know if Ive told you guys or not, but I have OCD, not the clean-freak germaphobe you see on tv, and I dont know if its genetic or not, but every once in awhile I see Gabe doing things that are very suspicious to me, and Im hoping that its just me being sensitive to it and nothing more.... I would hate for him to have to live his life like I do alot of times....

any questions are welcomed... :)

An Instructive Moment About Love

this story always brings to mind a good memory... 2 years ago, during VBS at our church, Daniel and I were just getting involved with the youth group and we got them to do a play for all the younger kids based on this story, Motorcycle Sam was our Samaritan...

anyway, I feel like everything Ive been talking about lately is just brought to a head with this lesson.... its still hard to swallow though... I feel like Ive been saying that prayer at the end over and over, but still Im just half-hearting it b/c it makes me uncomfortable to really think about the prospect of going through with it

I really want to be one of those people who just reaches out.... but I battle myself, and I dont know how to overcome it... how do you take those first steps out of your comfort zone? how do you really find out and start your ministry?

Lately things just seem pressing on me, and I feel compelled to search for more than my surroundings, but how do you do that? How do you move past yourself? I feel like at every turn I keep running into a wall and I dont know where else to go so I just kind of give up... is there really a community of believers out there that I can be involved with - people that dont take everything at surface value, people that really dig into the deeper meaning of things, people that are not happy where they are? Can you tell them to call me?

Instructive Moment About Love

The descriptions of the two men who "walked on the other side" is priceless. Today the excuses might be different... if I help and this person dies, I'll have a lawsuit on my hands. I'm running late for an interview and if I arrive disheveled I'll never get the job. I'm sure there's someone much more qualified to help, I'll call 911, it's their job anyway. And the most prevalent excuse of all... this is none of my business. I'll say a prayer for them, it's all I can do.

Just living in New York City practically condemns everyone of this lack of love for neighbor. There are too many neighbors to love, too many in need. We have programs in place to help the homeless, feed the hungry, but none of them speak to the issue of our lifting our own fingers to personally help. I'm as guilty as the next person, no doubt about it. Fear gets in the way. The need for life to be pleasant and uncomplicated gets in the way. I might get my habit dirty.

Jesus was well aware of the stigma Samaritans lived with. They were considered traitors to the true faith. They had intermarried with Assyrians, in direct defiance of God's law. Their list of transgressions was so long nobody in their right mind would be caught dead associating with them. Yet Jesus chose this man to be the hero. I think it's unfortunate that the story has come to be called "The Good Samaritan" as if he were the only good one, the exception that proved the rule.

This story is so pointed that it's almost too uncomfortable to look at. Essentially he's saying that "Good Christians" who know their Bible chapter and verse aren't worth a hill of beans unless they put into practice, up close and personal, his teachings. And that heathens, who do practice compassion for their neighbors, those who are supposedly going to hell because they haven't accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, are the ones who will have eternal life.

Gire's prayer says it all... that the smallest act of kindness is better than the greatest of kind intentions. But we can't sit smugly in that place either. We need many small acts of kindness, no matter how inconvenient, how unscheduled.

An Instructive Moment about Love (Luke 10:25-37)

Probably this is one of the most well known parables, even known by unbelievers. For me as I read this I saw two interpretations. The first is the obvious one that a person, like the Samaritan, should help others in need. If we have the heart of a neighbor, then we should see and help a neighbor.

But on a different level, in the context of the rejection of Jesus, in this parable the Jewish religious leaders rejected the man who fell among the robbers. A Samaritan, an outcast, was the only one who helped the man. I see Jesus was like the Samaritan in that He was the outcast One, who was willing to seek and to save people who were perishing. He was directly opposed to the religious 'establishment.' Can't you just see Jesus going to those who needed Him more and more?

The question that the man asked Jesus had been asked on several occasions. In this case the question was not a sincere question. You can tell this by two points in the text...1) the lawyer wanted to test Jesus 2) after Jesus answered the guy, he wished to justify himself.

I just love how Christ answers a question with more questions. By doing so in this case, it drove the "expert" back to the Old Testament Law. His answer was correct, he quoted Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18. Jesus affirmed if the man did this he would live.

The way I see it is the man should have asked, "How can I do this? I am not able. I need help." Something along those lines. Instead, he tried to justify himself, to defend himself against the implications of Jesus' words. I see him shifting the focus off of himself by asking, "And who is my neighbor?"

We have a priest, whom one would think would desire to help a needy person. We have the Levite who would have assisted the priests, so one would think he would have some compassion on a wounded person. But no, it is the Samaritan, the one scorned by the Jews for their mixed Jewish and Gentile ancestry. I find that very ironic.

So exactly who is our neighbor? Anyone we meet in need. The ultimate Neighbor, of course, is Christ Himself, whose compassion contrasted with the Jewish religious leaders who had no compassion on those who were perishing.

How often do I shift the focus off me, hoping against hope God will "forget" or overlook? It reminds me of elementary kids with a substitute teacher. Didn't you ever try to distract her so that you didn't have to do the classwork? Did it ever work? No.

Also, how often do I try to justify my actions? "Well, if only she hadn't done this....then I wouldn't have been "forced" to....." Who am I fooling? No one but myself. Or I may think, "I just don't have time right now. Surely the Lord has someone else He can use to meet that need." You know what I have found? Ministry NEVER comes at a convenient time. NEVER. And, I think that is so I can see God work through me. That way, I know it is GOD who is deserving of the glory and not myself. One way I try to be available for use is by only filling up my day 70%. That way, I have leeway if God so chooses to use me. However, there have been days when I've filled it with what feels like 110%. And, God will call me. He is always faithful to enable, to stretch me so I can meet the need He is calling me to fulfill.

Gire's prayer is again convicting. "Deliver me from stillborn emotions, which look at those on the roadside with a tear in my eye but without the least intention of helping them. Impress upon my heart, Lord, that the smallest act of kindness is better than the greatest of kind intentions." Wow! How very convicting! Those intentions can be a dime a dozen in my life. How about yours?

An Instructive Moment About Love

I was reading the scriptural reference for this chapter and thinking, "Why would a priest walk by a dying man?" Then, I stopped and read Gire's best guess on the matter and tried my best not to be really angry about it. I certainly don't expect "holy men" or pastors to be perfect and I don't expect them to be Supermen but I DO expect them to show compassion at every turn, in every way. That this priest would walk by a dying man because of the inconvenience of the ritual that he'd have to perform in order to purify himself made me want to scream. Taken metaphorically for all the people that never stop to help someone because it is "too much trouble" and I REALLY get mad. Nothing burns me more!

Then comes the Levite who's worried that his own personal success might be put in jeopardy by the dying man so he reasons away stopping and hurries on by. This happens all the time - and might I add here - this is where I see myself falling as far as the ramifications of this story. I can be the world's most impatient person sometimes and I HATE that about myself more than almost anything else. I'm a firm believer that the world should move at my pace (okay, at least the highway!) and under my rules and I struggle with this daily.

But then here comes the Samaritan - if we told this story in the '60's, this man would have been a black man. If we retold the story today, he'd be a muslim or a man from the middle east. There's always someone out there who, because of their differences, we can always find a reason to hate, isn't there? (I love that Jesus picked the one and only person that this man could not accept to say nice things about for this story!)

Today it was the prayer that once again touched my heart. I get so consumed that there is too much pain for me to do any good in the world that I find myself shutting down from doing anything. We all feel look around ourselves and feel like the need for help is too deep and that there is nothing we can do. But, even small things like a smile or looking another person in the eye can do so much to make them feel like they are valued. We can surely stop to help the woman in the wheel chair reach a can up on a shelf or help a mother make sure her three children all get across the street safely. And those are all wonderful things to do - in the smaller sense of things.

But some times I think we all put off really getting in the game far too long in our lives - I know I have. Stepping up and going out of our way to help someone that we expect to get no reward from is a wonderfully life changing thing to do and, yet, we do it so rarely. I wonder what we're all so afraid of? I wonder why we hold ourselves back so much? I wonder if presented with a dying man on the side of the road if I would do all the things that this man did?

An Intimate Moment with a Woman Caught in Adultery

This is probably one of my favorite bible stories of them all. It brings back a really great memory that happened at work one day about three years ago.

I was working in our old building with a different engineering team than I work for now. At the time, we had no direct supervisor in charge of the team because they were searching for a new manager so there was just myself and six guys down in the lowest level of the building. We got to be a pretty tight group during the six months that we had no leader because we all had to step up to the plate in order to make sure that our clients' deadlines were getting met and our projects were complete.

Anyway, it was during this time that we had one part-time pastor working for us, one "holy roller" evangelical and one older gentleman who was very faith-based (methodist, if I remember right.) Out of the seven of us, half were going to church weekly and two of us that weren't going to church did at least believe in God. The last young man was my friend, Rebecca's husband, Jeremy, who neither went to church or had ever been an active Christian. Jeremy was going to school at the time and came in one morning and asked us all to take a questionaire that he had to make up for his sociology class and so we all said, "sure."

The questionaire was on the death penalty.

It said on question one, "Do you believe the death penalty should ever be used as a form of punishment?" If you answered, "yes" you needed to fill out all the rest of the questions. If you answered, "no" you stopped the questionaire at question one. (The point of the sociology experiment seemed to be not whether it should be used but where everyone would draw the line at when it should be used.)

I checked the "no" box and looked up to see every one of the men furiously filling out all the other questions.

One of the younger men stopped and looked up at me and said, "Julie, aren't you going to fill out the questionaire?" I smiled and said, "I already did. I'm done." They all stopped and looked up at me then, realizing that that meant I did not believe the death penalty was ever appropriate. That is when the best religious discussion I have ever been involved in (outside of church) got underway.

One by one they batted that ball at me. "What if it was your mother or child that got killed? Huh? What about then?" or "What if someone broke into a school and slaughtered an entire classroom of innocent children?" or "What about for someone like Terry Nichols who blew up the Federal Building in Oklahoma?" They tried their best to get me to say, "Okay, sure, kill him. That's a good enough reason" but nothing they threw at me was going to break me. Even the part-time pastor was for the death penalty. Even the mild mannered methodist thought it should be used at certain times. Even my favorite holy rolling evangelical guy who you would suspect would never hurt a fly felt there were good enough reasons to kill someone for a crime they had committed.

The discussion went on and on and on and finally I looked at Greg, the part-time pastor, and said "you'd think you of all people would understand the sanctity of life..." but no - Greg felt the world should be based on "an eye for an eye" and not "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." By the time it was all said and done, I don't think I swayed one person's mind but something interesting happened. Those who had never heard this story before heard it for the first time - and it was probably one of the only biblical lessons they'll ever truly get to hear about how Jesus lived and taught. For those who had heard the story, they seemed to come away from the conversation truly thinking about it and the connotations this statement has even now in the 21st century.

In the end, I sat at my desk all day while each man, some alone and some in groups of two or three, came up and asked me about why I felt the way I did and why it was so important to me that the death penalty not be used...ever.

After that day, we often had regular relgious-based discussions in our little group whenever time allowed. It was my only connection to "church" in so many years and I ate it up to have others to talk about such things again. Truth be told, I'd bet money if I had to pinpoint when I first started thinking about the spiritual aspect of my life and how much of it was missing at that point in time, that day and that discussion was probably the beginning of my coming back to Jesus.

I'll just never forget it. It was like someone turned a faucet on or re-lit a burned out lightbulb inside me. I have those men and that conversation engrained in my memory because it was one of the few times in my life that an entire group of men all stopped and listened with total respect to what I had to say. I didn't have to be a b*tch. I didn't have to yell and scream. I didn't have to flirt and fling my hair around like some cheap tramp. Six men. One woman. Me, as far from God as I could be, telling THEM why killing someone was never going to acceptabel for me to have on my hands. I knew if I made it to heaven, it would be the one thing even I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for - so how could I ask God to?

"Let you who are without sin cast the first stone." Yeah, pretty sure that's NOT me. I'll be happy to set my stone down and walk away.

Oh, by the way, I think rotting in a jail cell for fifty or sixty years is a far better punishment for someone who has killed another human being. In my opinion, they should be forced to have pictures of their victims hanging on every wall of their cell and they should be forced to watch home movies of those they killed every year on their birth date, death date, anniversaries, etc. Let those who take another's live live. Let them live all their days inside those walls. Let them start eternity right here, right now, spending every waking moment knowing the hell that is awaiting them.

Intimate Moment with a Woman Caught in Adultery

This has always been one of my favorite stories, for many reasons... knowing that I condemn others, if not out loud, certainly in my heart. "That woman is the laziest person I've ever known!" or "What a hypocrite he is!" and yet, also knowing the sting of being condemned... I understand in my head that I have no right to judge anyone, not even myself, yet it's what we do. It's how we process information... this is good, that is bad, that is a gray area and I'm not going there.

"Karma" is a law central to both Hinduism and Buddhism (as well as some other Eastern religions). It's a cause and effect cycle: the good or the bad you do today will come back to you, an eye for an eye sort of thing. Jesus was more interested in mercy than karma, and this is one of the times he demonstrates it. But there's more to it than that.

I've always thought it totally unfair that the woman gets stuck with the adultery charge... it takes two to tango, and if she were caught in the act, then so was he. But even in our own time we blame the woman for all kinds of evils. She was raped because of the suggestive clothes she wore... because of the crowd she ran with. This thinking continues to demonizes the woman and makes the man look like a mindless raging hormone. What, his mother never taught him to treat women with respect? Why not? He never learned how to control his impulses? Why not?

"Judge not, lest you be judged" was just one way of paraphrasing Jesus' words in this situation. How many times have I been guilty? Too many to count. I like the way Gire says "so my hands may be first to drop their stones" knowing that I have a hoard of stones I've already gathered, kept safe in my pocket for just the moment I might need them. Let me drop them Lord!

An Intimate Moment with a Woman Caught in Adultery

This is an intriguing story to me. Here we have the Pharisees going to such great lengths to trap Jesus. They actually catch a woman IN adultery. And they probably enjoyed the show as well. How are their hearts so hardened to what they are doing that they only see the woman’s sin and not their own? And where is the man she was with? It does seem like he was accomplice in the deal. It is an interesting point to me that they bring her into the temple, as defiled as she was. Their only job description lately seems to be getting rid of Jesus because they keep on doing the things that they would condemn others for.

And everyone puts such an emphasis on what Jesus was writing. Im under the impression that since it wasn’t mentioned that it wasnt important, so why struggle with it. I am also believing that Jesus was in the temple for teaching purposes, so why wouldn’t He be doing illustrations to go along with it?

The big point for me in this story is how there seem to be no consequences from Jesus for this woman in this story. Only forgiveness. I struggle with this. This is not what the church is teaching. I struggle with how Jesus acts and the rules of religion. I have been in church since I was born. In a Christian school and home since I was born. Forgiveness is a good character trait, but justice is what makes the church. Its been engrained in me for as long as I can remember. Reward the good and punish the bad. Love is only for those who deserve it or those who do what they do because they don’t know better. Oh no, its not an outward thing, its not what is preached from the pulpit, but it is what is preached from the pews and in the Sunday school rooms. How often do we let that bad teenager go – he never tries anyway, this just wasn’t the place for him right now. How often do we sit in the same “assigned seats” because we are too insecure to go talk to the guy who is a little bit scary. How often do we overlook the kid being picked on because we say that the other kids are just playing. How often do we refuse to talk to someone who is grossly different than us?

I struggle with love. How do you love the unlovable? How does Jesus love me?

I struggle with forgiveness. Why should I – they didn’t ask for it, they don’t deserve it? How does Jesus forgive me?

What am I teaching my own child? Not with my mouth, but with my actions? Who am I in this story really – the woman, the accomplice love, the Pharisees or Jesus? Who do my actions say I want to be?

An Intimate Moment with a Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8:1-11)

You know what I see in this chapter? A definite contrast that reveals the graciousness of Christ and the wickedness of man. This is such a beautiful example of Grace and Law.

Of course, the Jewish leaders were trying to pin Jesus on the horns of a dilemma. This wasn't a new idea. On more than one occasion they had tried to pit Jesus against Moses.

But, instead of passing judgment on the woman, Jesus passed judgment on the judges! It makes me just want to shout, "Hurrah!" That is, until I realize that I stand judging others all too often. What hypocrites that they should condemn another person and not judge themselves...especially the two who "had" to watch the adulterous act. And then, too boot, whatever became of the man in all this? The Law clearly stated they were to both be stoned.

Wouldn't you love to know what Jesus wrote in the dirt? I would. It is so reminiscent to me of God writing the Ten Commandments with His finger.

It was required by Jewish Law that the accusers cast the first stone (Deuteronomy 17:7). Jesus wasn't asking that sinless men judge the woman, for He was the only sinless person present.
Can you imagine if our judges today had to be perfect? Judicial benches would be empty!! He was referring to the particular sin of the woman, a sin that can be committed in the heart as well as with the body. Convicted by their own consciences, the accusers quietly left the scene, and Jesus was left alone with the woman. He forgave her and warned her to sin no more.

I think it is important to not misinterpret this event to mean that Jesus was "easy on sin" or that He contradicted the Law. For Jesus to forgive this woman meant that He had to one day die for her sins. Forgiveness is free but it is not cheap. Furthermore, Jesus perfectly fulfilled the Law so that no one could justly accuse Him of opposing its teachings or weakening its power. By applying the Law to the woman and not to themselves, the Jewish leaders were violating both the letter and the spirit of the Law....and they thought they were defending Moses!!!

The Law was given to reveal sin (Romans 3:20), and we must be condemned by the Law before we can be cleansed by God's grace. Law and grace do not compete with each other; they complement each other. Nobody was ever saved by keeping the Law, but nobody was ever saved by grace who was not first indicted by the Law. There must be conviction before there can be conversion.

Don't get me wrong, ladies. Christ's gracious forgiveness is not an excuse to sin. "Go, and sin no more!" was our Lord's counsel. "But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared" (Psalm 130:4). Certainly the experience of gracious forgiveness would motivate the penitent sinner (this is us, ladies) to live a holy and obedient life to the glory of God.

Gire states at the end of his very convicting prayer (ahem...blush), "Thank you for those sweet words of forgiveness: 'Neither do I condemn you.' Words that flow so freely from your lips..."

Words that flow so freely.....Oh please, dear Lord, I beseech You, enable my words to flow so freely..."Oh, don't worry, I forgive you....Accidents happen...Let's put it behind us..." Lord, may my words be an encouragement to others, solid in Your truth, seasoned with grace and hope as I interact with anyone who comes in contact with me.

An Incredible Moment with a Demonized Boy

honestly, I dont have words for this lesson... with a small child at home and one on the way, life like this man's is almost inconcievable... I cant imagine something that strong having such a hold over someone so innocent... where did the demon find the door, the opening, to enter?

And how do you deal? How do you get through every day when the little one that you love is not the one that looks back at you, and where did he go?

I look at my baby sleeping in his bed every night and thank God that he is ok, healthy and happy... that he is sleeping peacefully... because I know there are so many out there just like him that are not.... they live in fear, hunger, neglect, or sickness... they face things that would make most adults break down

this lesson brought me to tears, and to thankfulness for what I have and what I can teach to my own children - that not only do their parents love them, but also a big God out there who will be there for them and love them, and I can rest peacefully in that

Incredible Moment with a Demonized Boy

This is yet another time where Gire takes extreme liberties with his idea of what Jesus may have said in a conversation that may have happened. Other clips from other stories are thrown in to round out the picture. ("I believe, help my unbelief"... and the adversary prowling like a lion is from the psalms.) The Scriptural reference in Luke doesn't support his little reenactment, and it just drives me crazy!!!

Okay, that being said, I do understand the direction he's taking with this one: it's only normal for us to wonder sometimes "why?" ... and "how?" How is it that this loving and merciful God can seem so capricious with that love and mercy? Case in point: this boy with epilepsy. My older son has been afflicted at least three times with grand mal seizures. He's on medication, and his condition is not so severe as this boy's (no medication then... no understanding of the condition itself, even) but it still hangs over him like a cloud. What if it happens at work... will he lose his job? What if it happens in public? He's on a tight leash because of it, and it weighs heavy on his marriage and quality of life. Is he possessed by a demon? I don't think so. It's a medical condition. But then, you never know which conditions are brought on by other factors.

I take issue with the reference to the lion and the young antelope... Gire says the lion ruthlessly runs him down. Give me a break! The lion is not only feeding itself, but keeping the herd healthy. The weakest are culled out as a part of the natural process. But we are soft-hearted in many ways, (I think that's a good thing) and it makes us squeamish to watch what seems to be a vicious slaughter. But I also believe he's right to quote the psalms that the devil roams, seeking whom he may devour. It is when we are at our weakest, most doubtful, and weary, that it is so easy to capitulate to his influence.

An Incredible Moment with a Demonized Boy (Luke 9:37-43a)

This father comes to Jesus asking Him to heal his son, if He can. How intriguing to me to see how his faith was shaken because of the disciples inability to cast the demon out. Jesus took the father's words of doubt, "If you can..." to show that the point was not His ability to heal the boy but the father's ability to trust in God who can do what is humanly impossible. For me, faith sets no limits on God's power and submits itself to His will.

Oh how the father's response is so familiar! "I do believe...Help my unbelief!" I used to struggle in this area...fear would raise its ugly head until one morning the Lord allowed me to sink into the pit...so far down that I could smell the sulfur. But, mercifully, He reached down and grabbed me out of that pit and I can say I have not been back in it. From that point on, I've had the gift of faith. Breaking from satan's power is like passing from death to life. To accomplish this once and for all, it necessitated the death and resurrection of Jesus Himself.

Because prayer is near and dear to my heart, I find the reason for the disciples failure to release the boy from the demon's hold because of lack of prayer (Mark 9:29) a strong reminder of the importance prayer is.

I was also moved by Gire's prayer. It touched several personal areas of my life. First off, I'm diabetic. Second, my younger brother was a Downs. I can remember an instance at Burger King where some people were staring at him. My feathers got ruffled and this young teen, who hates confrontation, [yes, I truly do, Jules] marched over there to give them a piece of my mind...fortunately, a friend walked in right then [God is so faithful] and saved me from doing or saying something I would later regret.

And, I saw my parents wonder what would happen to their son when they died. Of course, my sister and I would be there...but what if something were to happen to us...? They made arrangements for him to be cared for, if needed, until he were to die. God, in His infinite wisdom, called him home at 30 yrs of age. He was killed by an autistic, retarded young man at work. He didn't die right away, he lived in a coma for 27 days, then the Lord took him home.

Gire says, "Give them rest...both spiritually and physically. Heaven only knows how much they need it." Oh, Lord, I pray that I would lay my cares down at Your feet and NOT pick them back up again. That is when true rest comes. May I always remember that.

An Incredible Moment with a Demonized Boy

Something about this chapter just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm sure there were lots of really wonderful points to be made but I didn't get any of them. Why? Because once you start talking about illness in someone being the result of "a demon" or "the devil" my mind flies off someplace else and I can't think straight.

Of course, back then, one would assume this to be true because they had no other reason to believe otherwise. Now, in the days of medical science and discoveries in the world of medicine, we know different. Yet, some things we think we should be able to cure go uncured and some things we think will be fatal aren't. Now how do we explain that?

Whether the boy had epilepsy or "a demon" inside him, Jesus did heal him. I see the miracle of all that. But I think the thing that gets me going is how so many people still use faith (or the lack thereof) as a reason today for someone not recovering from an illness or from being healed - like someone would WANT to be ill or have a life threatening disease.

And how can we even think of blaming someone today who lives with a disease like epilepsy for not having enough faith? Yet, it happens...

But what even gets me more than that are the people who claim to have had enough faith to BE spontaneously healed from something that would normally be an ongoing illness. I know a woman who feels that her MS was spontaneously healed. Could be. Could also be she had a crappy doctor who misdiagnosed her in the first place and she just got better.

To wrap this little rant up...

Do I believe that we will ALL succomb to some form of disease (even if it is just old age) in our lifetime? Well, of course I do. And will our dying from something have anything to do with our level of faith? Of course it won't. We all get a throw of the dice genetically and we all get to make the best of what we're given. BUT...do I also believe that sin in our lives causes undo stress which causes our bodies to break down sooner or faster than if we lived in a serene, faith-driven path all our lives? Yes, I believe that, too. So, can changing our lifestyle change our condition? Sure it can. And is that actually a form of faith healing? When we believe that God will help us handle our problems thus, taking the pressure off ourselves, and then try to continually steer clear of sin and temptation so our lives stabilize to some degree, we will probably live a healthier, longer life. It makes sense medically. It makes sense spiritually. But does this mean people don't have enough faith to save their lives when they die before their time? Can you be healed from anything if you just believe hard enough or long enough? Is the devil to blame for what is wrong with each of us?

Yeah, not buying it.

Intense Moment on a Mountaintop

Bear with me on this little ramble, folks... it does relate to this chapter.

I'm currently enrolled in an online course called The Universe Story. It's a history of the Universe's unfolding since the initial flaring forth 13.7 billion years ago. The sacrificial nature of the Universe is one of the compelling pieces that (for me) links this story to Christ.

In our culture, most people avoid pain, suffering, even sacrifice, at all costs. Yet it seems Christ was the only one who understood that the way God ordered the unfolding of time and space, galaxies and evolving life on planet Earth, required death. Required that one species be sacrificed to nourish and bring forth the next. Millions of years ago the first cells realized they could eat each other to live. That way of nourishing ourselves has been passed down to today's life forms. Some species eat plants, others eat animals, humans do both. It is an intricate web, each part sustaining and complementing the others, but all are a part of the whole web of life. For humans to believe that we need not play the game as other life forms do, is both blasphemy and idiocy. As we continue to destroy and degrade all life forms (in an attempt to make our own lives more comfortable) we end up destroying ourselves. The transfiguration was a glimpse of glory... heaven on earth, the kingdom come. Gire thinks that everything paled in the face of that astounding light. My sense would be that everything glowed even brighter because of it. Here finally was one human being with the face of God, who could see and understand the ways of God and was trying to teach them to his fellow humans. But as Peter did, we do. Let's memorialize the event and then we won't have to live it ourselves. Christ was trying to tell us... no guts, no glory. Literally.

An Intense Moment on a Mountaintop

how excruciating to know that every day you are one day closer to your death.... and not just that but the ones you love deserting you at your most crucial time, one of your closest even betraying you and starting the ticking on this whole time bomb

how could you get up every day? how could you go on? why would you want to? why save these people who dont seem to want to be saved?

Its hard to imagine that kind of love. But then again, Im not God.

Its hard to imagine that Jesus would choose to go through this when He didnt have to. But then again, He is God. He can look past then, He can look past now, and He can see what is to come.
He knows whether what He is about to do is really worth it or not.

He doesnt have to love me. I dont deserve it. Im definetely not worth it. And yet, He chooses to. That blows me away. Why would anyone stand beside me when I fail them over and over? Why would anyone stay with me when I drag their name through the mud? Why would anyone continue to hold my hand when I keep trying to pull it away? Love. Complete Love. Unconditional Love. God's Love.

An Intense Moment on a Mountain Top (Matthew 16:21-17:13)

How often do we desire to keep someone we love from experiencing something horrible? Do you think Christ was tempted by Peter? I believe He certainly recognized it for what it was worth and attributed it to its rightful owner...satan. How thankful I am that Peter was not granted his desire. For if Christ had not suffered and died, Peter, and all of us, would have died in our sins. Trying to thwart the Crucifixion showed how Peter was looking at events through human eyes and not from God's viewpoint.

Christ is very clear about the cost of discipleship. I think of this often, especially when things get tough and I want the course to be much easier. It's like exercising and losing weight...oh how difficult it is to stay the course, being faithful to the workouts, experiencing the sore, tired muscles. Do you see results right away? No, the results don't come until later. But by experiencing the pain and discomfort we actually gain a better life in the end.

When Jesus is transfigured on the mountain has always brought awe to me. To see, as these three disciples did, a preview of the kingdom, with the Lord appearing in glory, along with Moses and Elijah, would probably undo me. I don't think my mind can wrap around the brillance that shone on the mountain that night. With Moses and Elijah appearing and talking with Jesus...it is another demonstration that conscious existence follows death.

I like how all the catagories of people are included in this meeting with Jesus. The disciples represent people who will be present in physical bodies at Jesus' coming kingdom. Moses represents saved individuals who have died or will die. While Elijah represents saved individuals who will not experience death, but will be caught up to heaven alive. (What a rush that would be!) These three groups will be present when Christ begins His reign on earth.

Gire speaks of how encouraged and strengthened Jesus was by Moses and Elijah. And, maybe He was, but the Bible does not record their converstation. However, I do believe the real strengthening came when Christ heard His Father's voice..."So full of eternity. Just the sound of the Father's voice infuses Him with strength." How many times do I turn away from being strengthed by God? How often do I turn a deaf ear to the Lord's voice? Oh, how I pray that I would hear the slightest whisper of His directed toward me!

An Intense Moment on a Mountaintop

"Help me to comprehend the message of the Transfiguration, a message so radiant with hope it can brighten any tunnel. No matter how long or how hard. No matter how dark or how cold or how lonely…Help me to consider You who endured such opposition from sinful men so that I will not grow weary and lose heart when it comes my turn to carry a cross…"

I started to read this next chapter in the book and as I did I thought, "Oh good…here comes another part of the bible I never have understood."

Why leave all the others and go up on a mountaintop? Why was Jesus transformed up there? Why did Moses and Elijah show up and why the heck did Peter want to build a shelter for a couple of ghosts?

But these are not my biggest questions. The bigger questions have always been more like "Why in all of God’s creation would He send His Son down to die for us? We, who beat and betrayed His Son to a bloody pulp? We who ran away from Jesus when He needed us most? We who humiliated and tortured Him? Why didn’t He just speak up and save Himself and why did He have to suffer so much at our hands?"

Some times I think Gire goes for the cheap sell in these chapters – He intentionally tries to pull at our heartstrings knowing most of us will follow along and sink into his emotional holes. For the most part, he’s right - but there has been the occasional chapter where it was so obvious I thought I’d almost gag on it.

This was not one of "those" chapters.

That dirty mirror that we all look at God through while we're hear on earth? Mine got a little Windex and a good scrubbing with this chapter. I am really starting to get it. Why things were done the way they were. Why things turned out the way they did. How Jesus found the strength to go through what He had to go through. (And it couldn't come at a better time as that is the part of the Stations of the Cross I am starting to write!)

I have to say – this chapter left me touched...deeply, deeply touched. And, truth be told, probably a little bit changed. I think my faith grew a little deeper after I read this - I really do. That mirror is starting to show enough light through it now that its all starting to make sense. I no longer have to go off of just faith when I try to figure out what happened and why – I am really starting to SEE.

It's all so breathtaking, isn't it?

An Incredible Moment on the Water

*again, rough version from me - I havent read this in Gire's book, but once a long time ago, I will probably read it tonight, but I didnt want this to be another post out of order, so I may add to this post later on*

I love this story, mostly because I love Peter... but this is the first time Jesus calls Peter "ye of little faith".... I have always heard this refered to as a term of rebuking, except for once - a friend and I were discussing this story and he asked me to think outside the box... what if instead of rebuking, this is Jesus' way of encouraging Peter, and I am totally sold on that way of thinking now....

Jesus said that all it takes is a little faith, a mustard seed amount.... He saw this in Peter, and He encouraged him to use it.... Ye of little faith, why do YOU doubt Me? (You have the faith, use it)... and lets remember that Peter was the only one who stepped out of the boat

Just wanted to point that out...

An Incredible Moment with the Five Thousand

*sorry, this is going to be a bit rougher than normal b/c I dont have my book here with me and I read this a couple of days ago, bear with me*

For the first time that Ive ever read this story, something totally new jumped out to me - how similar this whole story/situation was to the temptation of Christ in the wilderness....

first, you have Christ going off onto a high mountain to just get away from everything, to pray and spend time with His Father.... then you have the people never letting Him alone, never a free second - tell me YOU wouldnt think about throwing yourself off and letting the angels catch you, I can just imagine Jesus being so frustrated with these people - always wanting something, but never really getting what He came for

Then, the disciples ask about food for all these people, and Jesus tests the disciples, and I really wanted to hear one of them say "why dont you just turn these stones to bread" like Satan did, but they dont have that much faith... I wonder if they had said that, what would He have done?

And then after He feeds them, the people want to make Him king, which He turns down again, like He did with Satan....

now, here is the funny part, He tells the people that He is the Messiah, but they want Him to do a sign to prove it.... ummm, didnt they just want to make Him king, didnt they just see Him feed 5000 men? it seems like an odd request to me....

An Incredible Moment on the Water (Matthew 14:22-33)

Christ had learned of John the Baptist's death and so He withdrew to a remote place. I find it very interesting that from this time on, the ministry of Jesus was directed primarily toward His disciples. His goal seemed to be to instruct them, as much as possible, before He would be leaving them. He really said almost nothing more to the nation of Israel to convince them He is the Messiah.

With the above in mind, the miracle of Peter walking on water takes on new significance. Imagine seeing Christ walking on the water...not just a few feet from the shore, but really, a distance of 3 to 31/2 miles (John 6:19). His power over the elements are obvious, but I love the lesson in faith for the disciples in this experience.

It's like Peter wanted greater assurance that it was the Lord. How often in life do we desire greater assurance? Lord, if this is truly what I should do....make it clear. Lord, how can I know if I should....? I'm sure each of us can think of times when we have questioned situations when we knew already what the Lord had directed.

In all recorded history, there are only two men who ever walked on water. Peter steps out in faith and walks on the water until his faith is challenged. He falters when he takes his eyes off Christ and looks at his circumstances surrounding him. He sees the wind's effect on the water and focus' on that. Immediately, Peter begins to sink. But he cries out to the Lord for help and immediately the Lord caught him. The rebuke Christ gave Peter was for his lack of faith which caused him to sink.

When they are all together in the boat once again, they worship the Lord. Their concept of Jesus had been expanded. Think of the difference between the disciples faith and the people's faith where they had come from. The people learned they could bring their sick to Him for healing. Though they acknowledged Jesus as a great Healer, they did not fully comprehend who He is. However, the disicples acknowledge Him as the Son of God.

I loved Gire's in regards to Peter:

"Through Peter they gained a visual definition of faith, for what more is faith than stepping out in obedience to Jesus and looking to Him to sustain our steps, even when the path of obedience takes us over uncertain and untamed waters."

And...

"If they were ever to walk by faith, Jesus had to withdraw from their sight...He couldn't have the disciples clinging to Him as a trellis of support for teh frail tendrils of their faith. Their roots must deepen. Their trunks must grow stout. Their branches must grow firm....Otherwise, they would not be able to support the fruit to be borne on their branches, which He was preparing them to bear in abundance."

Oh my! Think of the fruit Christ is preparing for us to support. Think about the unbelievers He is bringing across your path so you can witness to them, telling them about the greatest thing that has ever happened to you...enabling you to share with them, showing their need for Him. I pray our faith remains firmly fixed on Him, never faltering off.

Incredible Moment on the Water

Gire's definition of faith is what captured me in this chapter: for what more is faith than stepping out in obedience to Jesus and looking to him to sustain our steps, even when the path of obedience takes us over uncertain and untamed waters. In my own life I can point to many more examples than a wrecked marriage, which Gire's prayer zeros on... but that is a good one. For me, the bad marriage was the not so safe, but certainly familiar harbor, the open sea was what lay beyond that marriage... definitely uncertain and untamed waters.

An Incredible Moment on the Water

Hang with me here...

I spent all day yesterday doing very little. I was in desperate need of rest. REAL rest. Long, napping, contemplative rest. Little Gracie and I hauled out pillows and a comforter and spent almost the entire day on the sofa in the living room. In between long naps and sleepy sessions, I would go to the computer and write. I needed to begin work on my project for Holy Week.

My church decided to have me write a meditative narrative much like the ones we have been reading in Gire's book for the different stations of the cross. Come Holy Week, the church will be open on Wednesday, Friday and Sunday for people to tour through different rooms of the church and meditate on the different Stations of the Cross. As they enter each room, my writing for that station will be handed to them to read as they gaze on artwork of all types to inspire them to better understand what the crucifixion and resurrection are all about.

Yesterday, I wrote the first six stations and had the last four to go. Each one became harder and harder for me to put into words as my spirit grew darker and darker as I delved into what each marker meant. Why it happened. How we could relate to it. By early evening, I was spent - mentally and emotionally. I got to the point where Jesus was crucified and I hit a block. I couldn't go on.

I went to bed last night and dreamed that I was standing in my backyard during an unusually warm, wet snow when a huge tree began to melt and collapse. The top fell into the middle and that collapsed the middle down to the bottom and then the entire tree fell over - taking the tree next to it with it as it fell. Because of the snow, the trees slid across the yard in different directions - taking out pieces of fence and landing in different neighbors' yards. The odd thing was, after they fell to the ground, they were five times larger than when they had been standing upright. The circumference of each tree was probably twenty feet across. I was thankful no one was hurt in the dream (because they landed very close to my neighbors' homes) but woke up wondering what in the world it all meant.

I went online to my favorite dream interpretation website and saw that trees falling usually meant that you were looking at something in the wrong way or taking the wrong route in your life. I couldn't help but think that it had to do with the writing I had done on the Stations of the Cross and I was so upset. All I could think of was that I was too new to be doing this - that I don't really "get" the crucifixion and the resurrection enough to be explaining it to a church full of people who are seeking God to come into their lives. I began having all sorts of doubt and fears creep in. Ths morning, I almost trashed everything I had written yesterday - but something stopped me.

I took a shower, got dressed and headed off to church. I sat down in my usual aisle and because the weather was kind of crappy, attendance was light so I had the whole row to myself. Right in front of me sat one of the associate pastors and his family and when Pastor Rick, the senior pastor noticed them, he came over to say hello. I barely noticed though because I had taken out the notebook I had started carrying with me at the beginning of Lent and I was writing at the speed of light. The moment I sat down, it all came flooding out to me. While they all talked and chit-chatted, I was writing furiously about what each station's main emotion was - some I had gotten right but two of them - I now knew I had been looking at them all wrong. (There were my two trees.)

Where I had gotten stuck the night before was on the station where Jesus actually dies on the cross, then where he is layed in the tomb and finally, where the resurrection is discovered. I got to that point and my mind had gotten stuck back on his beating, his betrayal and his denegration. I was looking at the last three knowing that the emotion that matched the last one would be joy but what about the other two? How was I going to make people understand what his actual death and his actual burial was about? How was I going to connect them so they felt it? Understood it? Made the connection?

There, sitting in that seat at church, it came to me. The station where he dies on the cross is about grief - I needed to make people relive grief so they could understand that once Jesus was dead, it was about what the others were left to experience - not him. And the station where he was layed in the tomb and left for dead? I still wasn't sure... Until I came home and read this chapter.

Gire writes, "Why the withdrawal? To wean the disciple from sight to faith. To force them to rely less on their physical eyes and more on their spiritual ones. If they were ever to walk by faith, Jesus had to withdraw from their sight."

OH. MY. GOD.

There are moments in the past year where things have suddenly become clear to me where before I had just gone off faith. I didn't "get" something - a story, a parable, a bible verse - but I decided this time around not to look for holes in the stories to break down my faith but to look in faith and know that God would find a way to show me what he meant by the things I did not understand. Several times he has done just that. But today - well, this one was HUGE.

I never really understood why Jesus had to die. I never really got the whole "miracle" of it. And why was he gone three days? Why not instantly come back to life? Why didn't God let them spear him on the cross and then have him wake up and say "made ya look!"

Because...he had to be out of their sight. They had to go by faith that this was not the end. They had to grieve for his death before his life could take on its true and final meaning. The others needed time...time to process the loss and to do their grieving and right as it all got rolling - when the shock of his death had had time to be fully processed - there it was -

the empty tomb.

And the resurrection? It happened so we'd all know that it is possible to overcome death. If none of them had ever seen him after his death with the holes in his hands and feet and eating bread with them to prove he was alive again - it would have all been a tragic story instead of a never-ending miracle. He had to die to pay for our sins but he had to be resurrected so we would understand the miracle of what God had planned for all of us.

He taught the disciples to walk by faith in this story...but He taught me the meaning of the word faith. The writing I did - the story of Jesus' death - the dream about the trees - this chapter in the book - all fitting together like some wonderous puzzle. Here I am, for the first time, seeing all the pieces in place and getting what it is really all about.

He is one magnificent God.

Incredible Moment with the Five Thousand

Gire has taken two stories and combined them, but it is, for the most part, the same group of people (give or take a few hundred). I am so familiar with the feeding of the five thousand story I get the four versions mixed up. No matter. They all pretty boil down to the same thing: Jesus gave thanks for what he had to work with and proceeded to make a miracle. But in this miracle, he included his disciples. Andrew found the boy with the lunch, and all the disciples helped to distribute the food and collect the fragments. it was a group effort... a daunting task made less daunting by many hands.

The second part of the story reminds me of the story of the woman Jesus met at the well. She said, "Sir, give me this living water always." In John's account (RSV) they say the same thing: "Sir, give us this bread always." Give us this bread always. What does that mean in the context of today's culture? That we expect Jesus to feed us, water us, keep us from going hungry or thirsty? I think he included the disciples in that miracle for a reason... he wanted them to participate, to understand that it would be their job once he was gone. It is our job too.

An Incredible Moment with the Five Thousand (John 6:1-15, 25-35a)

****Just a side note...I'm missing your post, Addie!!!****


Like Addie mentioned the other day, I too, like this story. It is full of good lessons for me to think about.

The problem, of course, was how to meet the needs of such a vast crowd of people. First the disciples suggested Jesus send the people away. Isn't that like us to look for the "easy" way? It was evening so it really wasn't a good time to be traveling and if the people hadn't eaten all day...can you just imagine the fainting that would/could take place?

The second suggestion came from Philip in response to Jesus' "test question": raise enough money to buy food for the people. Philip "counted the cost" and decided they would need the equivalent of 200 days of wages! And even that would not be enough to feed everyone. How often we think that money is the answer to every need! Of course, Jesus was simply testing the strength of Philip's faith.

Now the third solution came from Andrew, but he was not quite sure how the problem would be solved. He found a little boy who had a small lunch: 2 little fish and 5 barley cakes. Once again, I find Andrew is busy bringing somebody to Jesus (see John 1:40-42); 12:20-22). I think Andrew was a people person who helped solve problems.

The fourth solution came from our Lord, and it was the true solution. He took the little boy's lunch, blessed it, broke it, handed it out to His disciples, and they fed the whole crowd! The miracle took place in the hands of the Savior, not in the hands of the disciples. He multiplied the food; they only had the joyful privilege of passing it out. Not only were the people fed and satisfied, but the disciples salvaged twelve baskets of fragments for future use.

The practical lesson for me is clear: whenever there is a need, give all that you have to Jesus and let Him do the rest. Begin with what you have, but be sure you give it all to Him. That little boy is to be commended for sharing his lunch but his mother should be commended for giving him something to give to Jesus. The gift of that little snack meant as much to Jesus at the pouring out of the expensive ointment.

I find it significant that twice John mentioned the fact that Jesus gave thanks (6:11, 23). By that act, He reminded the hungry people that God is the source of all good and needful gifts. This is a good lesson for me, instead of complaining about what I do not have, I should be giving thanks to God for what I do have, and He will make it go farther.

In grace, Christ fed the hungry people; but in truth, He gave them the Word of God. They wanted the food but they did not want the truth; and, in the end, most of them abandoned Jesus and refused to walk with Him.

This sermon on the "bread of life" is actually a dialogue between Christ and the people, especially the religious leaders. I see four responses of the crowd to the Lord in John 6: seeking (vs. 22-40), murmuring (vs. 41-51), striving (vs. 52-59, and departing (vs 60-71).

Jesus knew that the people originally followed Him because of His miracles, but now their motive was to get fed. I love how Christ points out the two kinds of food: food for the body, which is necessary but not the most important; and food for the inner man, the spirit, which is essential. What the people needed was not food but life, and life is a gift. Food only sustains life, but Jesus gives eternal life.

The quote in John 6:31 is from Psalm 78:24 which records the unbelief and rebellion of the nation of Israel. The Lord sought to deepen the people's understanding of the truth. It was God, not Moses, who gave the manna; so they must take their eyes off Moses and focus them on God. Also, God gave the manna in the past, but the Father is now giving the true bread in the Person of Jesus Christ. The past is finished, but the present spiritual experience goes on! Hello, people!! Wake up!!

Christ goes on to identify what/who the bread is. And that He came, not just for Israel, but for the whole world. Seven times in this sermon, Christ referred to His "coming down from heaven," clearly a statement that declared Him to be God. The Old Testament manna was just a type of the "true bread," the Lord Jesus Christ.

People began to respond but they were not ready for salvation. The crowd wanted the bread so they would not have to work to maintain life. There isn't anything new under the sun, is there? People today still want Jesus Christ only for the benefits He is able to give.

His reply to the people had two key words: come and believe. To come to Jesus means to believe on Him, and to believe on Him means to come to Him. Believing is not merely an intellectual thing, giving mental assent to some doctrine. It means to come to Christ and yield yourself to Him.

John 6:35 contains the first of seven great I AM statements recorded by John, statements that are not found anywhere else in the Gospels. When Jesus used the name I AM, He was definitely claiming to be God. The I AM's are a great study just of themselves. I highly recommend it. The other references for them are: John 8:12; 10:7-9, 11-14; 11: 25-26; 14:6; 15:1, 5.

Too sum it up...the disciples looked at their circumstance rather than looking at Christ. They lacked faith.

And, we need only to respond to Christ. How quickly we forget. Our human view is to see, then believe. God's view is believe then see!!

An Incredible Moment with the Five Thousand

It's the prayer that really sank this lesson in for me today. There were several points in it that resonated with me.

"I confess that I sometimes feel inadequate to meet the crowd of needs that surrounds me."

Oh lord, isn't that the truth? Out of money at times. Out of energy at others. The list of things that need to be done and that need to be paid for can be quite intimidating. It's funny, though - I always seem to get the most important things done and the rest just seems to go away after awhile. Hmmm...

"Give me the faith to realize that you will bless what I give, no matter how small the loaves or how few the fish."

This was one of the biggest lessons for me so far. Giving more to get more. I just didn't believe it was real - but it is. I doubled the amount I was giving to the church starting in January and instead of finding myself short each month, I always seem to have just about enough. Funny how that works...

"Take my coarsely ground life and the small skills that accompany it. Take them into your hands, Lord. Bless them. Multiply them. Use them for your glory..."

Last year I felt on fire with all my writing - like I couldn't do enough of it fast enough to satisfy Him. This year I feel like He's taken the cork off the champagne bottle and now I'm waiting for the bubbles to rise to the top and overflow again. He let me write enough to take the pressure off and now I'm getting in the groove of letting it just flow from Him to me...

"Help me to realize You are the true bread of life."

This will be the biggest lesson for me this year, I think. Finding a way to change my long ingrained habit of looking to God for support and sustenance instead of filling myself endlessly with FOOD. I'm trying to lay the foundation by developing my prayer life to be a natural and thoughtless process so I begin to do just that - turn to God for what I need instead of things like food and drink.

So, there were lots of things to think about in this lesson and actually I was kind of surprised by that. I always thought it was just about some fish and some bread!

A Brief Announcement

I kind of feel like the "odd man out" this week as everyone is going through so much lately, hurting and trials. I have been blessed beyond measure this week, so I just wanted to fill everyone in.

I will not be on here Friday or Monday. We are moving this weekend to a bigger house that is actually in town and not a 30 minute one way drive. I am beyond excited and feel like God layed this in our lap.

And on Saturday, we just found out that Im pregnant with our second child. We have been trying for a few months now, so we are so excited and just so grateful.

Thank you for being here for me, all of you.

An Intimate Moment with a Hemorrhaging Woman

I love this story because its all about faith - mustard seed faith. Here is a woman with nothing in the world, except for this tiny kernel of faith. And even this kernel is almost dried up.

This story parallels well for me with the story of the widow and the mite. In the widow story, she was surrounded by religious people giving great amounts but with the wrong attitude. In this story, the woman is also surrounded by people, who are crowding around Jesus, but obviously dont have the right faith. The widow doesnt have much, but she offers all she has - one mite, to be used by God. This woman doesnt have much faith, but she offers all she has - to be used by God.... in both cases, they are praised by Jesus.

Here was a woman that was on the fringes, she was not allowed in town because if you were on your period, you were deemed unlcean. She had been having a constant period for 12 years! I couldnt imagine. The smell of blood and death following you everywhere you went.

When I am going through trials, I try to put myself in this woman's place. She had so much going against her, and yet she still had faith enough that Jesus could heal. And not even Jesus, but just something that was touching Him.

It also reminded me of my faith as a child. You know when the sun comes down in distinct beams through the clouds. I have always called those "the fingers of God", I never heard anyone say that, that is just what I called them in my mind. I always believed that if a sick person were to stand in one of these spots that they would be immediately healed. I still halfway believe this today. A few years ago, I heard another child refer to the beams as the "fingers of God", and I was dumbfounded. Could it be that God reveals things to us as children, and as grow, our hearts harden to the miracle of it? Anyway, just thought that was kind of cool and similar, and Ive never told anyone else that, just thought it fit in some weird way....

An Intimate Moment with a Hemorrhaging Woman (Mark 5:24-34)

I see three distinct parts to this passage dealing with the hemorrhaging woman and actually us, as sinners.

At the beginning in verses 25 and 26 it states very clearly the condition of the woman. I also see the condition of the sinner. First, the woman is helpless...she could do nothing herself. Likewise, we as a sinner,before Christ,was helpless and we could do nothing to save ourselves. Her condition was hopeless, just as our condition was hopeless. Compare this to our spiritual condition...this woman reached out to Christ, as we must also.

Then move on down into the next several verses and look at the compassion of the Savior. Everywhere He goes He attracts the hurting. He alleviates the pain (vs. 29). And yet, He assures the sinner.

Verse 29 states, "Immediately the flow of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction." Compare this woman's healing to our immediate and complete release from our sin when we put our faith in Christ. Eternal life doesn't come gradually but is immediate!

I love how the disciples question Jesus about His asking, "Who touched Me?" They are amazed with all those people pressing in on Him how He could know of one person individually. It reminds me that even though Gayla is occupying His time right now, 24/7, He is still meeting me and my concerns 24/7, and CJ's 24/7, Jules 24/7 and Addie 24/7. He deals with each of us at the same time individually. Jesus knew who touched Him. Power did not leave Him without His knowledge and will. However, He exercised it only at the Father's bidding (Mark 13:32). Jesus asked the question, "Who touched me?" for the woman's benefit. His desire was to establish that personal relationship with the healed woman so there could be no talk of quasi-magical notions at work. He is more than a healer...He's the Savior and a Friend.

She came forward and confessed. She was the only person at that time who understood Jesus' question. I love how He calls her "Daughter." It is the only place in the New Testament He uses this term of endearment. It signifies her new relationship with Him. He then tells her that her faith has made her "whole." It wasn't because she touched His clothes. She experienced spiritual healing as well as physical healing.

In verse 34 Christ says, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction." The word "healed" is literally "has saved or delivered you" in that it caused her to seek healing from Jesus. Faith, confident trust, derives its value not from the one who expresses it, but from the object in which it rests.

Intimate Moment with a Hemorraging Woman

I love this woman's desperate courage.

Surely there were people in the crowd who might have recognized her, trundled her off, out of the way, to a place reserved for the unclean. She shouldn't be out in the open, where her suffering might contaminate someone, or make someone else uncomfortable. There's nothing to be done, her doctors said so, why can't she have the decency to just lie down and die?

We do that now. The homeless are sent off to temporary shelter facilities, the hungry are crowded into a basement of the church for a meal, then sent back out into the cold. They are not welcome at the front door, they smell. They might fall asleep in the pews and discourage people from coming in to pray. But we have done our part. We can feel good about ourselves.

She went for it. And Jesus knew when she touched him, felt his power leave his body. Hello, that may have been a surprise. When he had healed people before, it was deliberately, mindfully, with intention, his intention. To suddenly experience someone else's ability to draw his power away... what did that mean? I don't conclude from the account that he was angry or upset, only curious. "Who touched me?" And when he saw her it all came clear. Jesus has stated clearly in many of the healing stories "your faith has made you well." Your faith... This lesson is different only in that her faith acted before his affirmative response. But when he assessed her situation, he blessed the action. "Go in peace..."