An Insightful Moment at Bethesda

Well, once again, I end up going off in a totally different direction than any of the rest of you! I wrote this last night and then went to post it and almost thought twice about it. Your points all deal with the direct words of Gire and how it affected the religious leaders of the day but I - I get stuck right at the top of the chapter with this verse...

Gire writes:

"There is a set of rhythms we are all affected by because we are all surrounded by them from the earliest stages in our development...After we are born, we experience other rhythms. The rising and setting of the sun. The ebb and flow of the tides. The coming and going fo the seasons. From the life cycle of the mayfly to the lunar cycle of the moon, the rhythms of life regulate our world."

Have you ever read something and thought to yourself, "Nobody knows this about me but me?" This, I think, is one of those things for me. I'm acutely aware of the cycles of our world. I have this odd ability to detect time and movement in things and in people. I don't really know how to describe it so it makes sense, but sense is what it is...I have this other sense.

(And no, I don't see dead people and I can't read people's minds or tell you where the dead person's body is buried...it's not like that. But, there is a frequency that plays in my mind that I'm pretty sure almost everyone else misses because every time I talk about it, people look at me like I'm off my rocker.)

I'm not off my rocker.

I'm more on my rocker than most people will probably ever hope to be.

But in all the times I've tried to describe this trait about myself, everyone has absolutely no idea what I'm talking about it. The only way I have been able to describe it is to tell someone "take female intuition and take that times ten and then stand back and watch what comes your way."

I don't know how or why it happens but it does - and after 46 years of living with it, I can pretty much feel the rhythm of things in this world - both small and sometimes very large - I just get this sense of things.

Gire goes on to write:

"But there are other rhythms at work in the world. Spiritual rhythms. Pulsing from the heart of our heavely Father. Jesus listened for those rhythms the way a migrating animal listens to a seasonal change in temperature or the steady signal of the earth's magnetic field. Jesus sensed the movements of the Father the way the tides sensed the movements of the moon."

This is what GOT me about this chapter because this is how we - to this day - communicate with the Father. We "sense" He wants something from us or we "sense" that He has told us something. Without this "sense" we would have no connection to God...no real ongoing way to develop a relationship with Him. Instead, we would have what I had for him when I was a child - respect, fear, wonder - but I was left with no "sense" of Him. The relationship I now have with God couldn't grow until God Himself made it known to me that the time was right. It was like He whispered in my ear, "It's time now...come and find me."

And me, being able to so easily sense the other rhythms in life, had very little trouble eventually hearing this one- despite the struggles I was having with indwelling sin and my constant barrage of The Enemy. God turned on another "sense" in me that night and I've been plugged into that frequency ever since.

I pray my "dial" never change its stations.

Insightful Moment at Bethesda

I loved Gire's meditation in this chapter, but he could have taken that road with many of the Scriptures. Why this one?

What strikes me first in the reading is the invalid's loss of hope. He's been there waiting for thirty-eight years, a long time. When Jesus asks him if he wants to get well, he doesn't say "yes", he launches into a litany of why he hasn't been able to. "Everyone gets in front of me. I can't get down to the waters." But Jesus is not put off (as I might be) and can read between the poor me lines. This is not just an invalid, it's a man in spiritual emergency. He couldn't even hear the question, so far gone was his loss of hope. So Jesus response time is immediate and direct: "Get up!"

Later, when Jesus finds him in the temple, he follows up with preventive advice (sort of like the restricted diet after the heart attack). "Stop sinning or something worse may happen." But apparently the man is recovered enough by now that he resents the advice and runs and tattles on Jesus. Another thankless healing, if we are to take the bare bones version this story gives us. Gire fills in the blanks by focusing on the different drum theme. Jesus walks to the beat his Father is counting, not to that of the established church. For me, that's an important message to hear. In a monastic community, the tendency is to get bogged down in tradition to the point that tradition rules, instead of the Spirit of the tradition.

An Insightful Moment at Bethesda

this story is absolutely hilarious to me....

here is a man walking around carrying a mat around in the street, and the religious leaders of the day come up to him and they have this conversation (paraphrased by me, of course)

Religious leaders: hey you, you cant be carrying a mat around on the Sabbath, what are you, a heathen or something?

Man: well, this man just came by and told me to pick up my mat and start moving, so I did

Religious leaders: who told you to do this?

Man: I dont know, just some guy

ha ha ha - just some guy..... and the religious leaders were so concerened about this guy carrying a mat around - crazy! they also obviously didnt recognize him since they didnt realize this was a miracle for him to just be walking - he had most likely been at the pool of Bethesda for quite some time, but the religious leaders couldnt go there, they might get sick or something....

then later Jesus comes and finds the man in the temple and tells him to quit sinning - makes me wonder what this guy was doing now to make Jesus to tell him to stop sinning.... him being in the temple makes me think he was offering the proper sacrifices for the priests to claim him clean (like the leper man earlier), so why would Jesus tell him to stop sinning now....

also, I didnt cross reference this story with the other gospels, but I found it interesting that this wasnt necessarily a faith healing - this man didnt even know who Jesus was....

and now the religious leaders are so angry - they missed the whole point again... here is someone doing good things, but He is not following every little tittle and jot of the law, so He cant be of God - this still happens in today's churches.... "he is not dressed properly for worship so he must not be here for the right reason", "she waves her arms around in the air when she sings, so she is probably of the devil b/c she is just trying to be a distraction to others" etc, etc..... the church would be much stronger if it was unified, if we would just love and forget the rules - now that would be something!

An Insightful Moment at Bethesda (John 5:1-19)

After the Lord's first two miracles which were somewhat private in nature, this miracle was not only public but it was also performed on the Sabbath Day. This really is where the official persecution really began. I see in this drama rich meaning.

There were two pools at Bethesda which were adjacent to each other where people would come for healing. I find it very interesting that it was located next to the Sheep Gate (Nehemiah 3:1; 12:39) and Christ is the Lamb of God. I don't know if that is significant in any way but it is interesting. This whole miracle illustrated what Christ said on ahead in verse 24...the power of His Word and the gift of life.

Can you imagine remaining in one place for 38 years hoping that someone would reach out and help him?John describes some of the different conditions of the people there as sick, blind, lame and withered. Doesn't that just describe sin and the havoc it has wrecked on our world? Also, I wonder if there is any correlation between the man's condition which he had for 38 years and the Jewish nation having wandered for 38 years (Deut. 2:14). It can be said spiritually speaking that Israel was a nation of impotent people, waiting helplessly for something to happen.

One of the first things that jumped out to me is when Jesus asked the man, "do you wish to get well?" Now, if it was me I think I would have been so excited I would be hard pressed to contain my "YES!!!" in some sort of respectful enthusiasm. But this man began to give excuses! It seems like his will was as parlayzed as his body.

Christ healed him through the power of His spoken word. He commanded him to do the very thing he was unable to do. However, in His command was the power to fulfill. The cure was immediate. I wonder why Christ didn't heal all of them rather just the one man. On any given day there could be two people and one sees his need for Christ while the other still does not. Who can know the mind of God?

The only "problem" with this miracle was that Christ performed it on the Sabbath. Christ did all things for a reason. In this case, He wanted to get the attention of the religious leaders. The religious leaders could not rejoice at the wonderful deliverance of this man but rather all they could find to do was to condemn him for carrying his bed which broke the law.

I was also intrigued by the fact that the man did not know who Jesus was. There isn't any evidence that I can see in the verses showing that the man believed on Christ and was converted but we cannot say that he was totally opposed to Him either. It wasn't until he saw Christ at the temple did he know who it was who healed him.

The Lord's words suggest that the man's physical plight had been the result of sin; but Jesus did not say that the man's sins had been forgiven as He had done with the paralytic. It is possible to experience a miracle and still not be saved and go to heaven. Wouldn't that be dreadful?

Christ deliberately challenged the legalistic traditions of the scribes and Pharisees. They had taken the Sabbath which was God's gift to man and transformed it into a virtual prison of regulations and restrictions. I love how Jesus responded to them when they began their accusations. He tells them that, "My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working." God's Sabbath rest had been broken by man's sin (Gen 3), and ever since then, God has been seeking lost sinners and saving them, every day of the week!! Also, by Christ saying "My Father, rather than "Our Father," He equated Himself with God. Talk about tempers flaring!

This really is where the persecution begins that will culminate in His death. The penalty for blasphemy was death. Jesus made Himself equal with God because He is God!! The Jewish leaders could not disprove His claims so they sought to destroy Him and get Him out of the way.

Instead of Christ denying the leaders accusations He endorsed it. If it was a sin to heal a man on the Sabbath, then that could only mean that God the Father was sinning because, as I see it, The Father and the Son worked together, doing the same deeds in the same way.

When Christ came to earth He set aside His glory and the independent exercise of His divine attributes. He submitted Himself in everything to the Father. If it was important for Christ to do this, how much more important is it for me?

Oh, if only the religious leaders had known their own Scriptures, they would have recognized their Redeemer; but they were spiritually blind. May we never close our eyes to what Christ is doing in us and through us. My desire is for Christ to be able to 'whisper' my name and I would respond immediately rather than having Him to tap me on my shoulder or, worse, take a 2x4 to get my attention.

An Incredible Moment with a Paralytic

I had a few fragmented thoughts, but one thought has just kept nagging at me.

Jesus forgave the paralytic’s sins first because of his friend’s faith. Is this why they brought him? Instead of physical healing as is usually emphasized, were they really seeking spiritual healing for their friend?

Havent we all had a friend who is/has been struggling with something – guilt, fear, shame? What if those same people were handicapped – which would be the worse prison? If you could only heal one, which would you choose? I would dare say if it were me, I would rather be loosed from the emotional/mental/spiritual prison than the physical one. Physical handicaps are not usually able to hold down people who are not mentally imprisoned.

I wonder what had this man done or had done to him that was causing such anguish… I guess its not important, but what is is that Jesus set him free… I love the nonchalance of the paralytic after being physically healed – he takes his mat and leaves. Makes me really think that the physical healing was just an added bonus for him, and it was the spiritual prison that he was so happy to be free of…

But then, that’s just my thoughts…

Incredible Moment with a Paralytic

This Scripture was just read in our liturgical calendar last week, so its implications are still fresh in my mind. A deacon friend of mine preached on it and we were discussing what had come from his preaching just yesterday. (Another miracle story from someone else who works with him... a four month old baby cured of brain cancer... that baby now grown into a beautiful young woman... a woman with a droopy eyelid.) Her eyelid is an outward sign of the Holy Spirit's healing power in her body at four months of age. it was not her faith, but the faith of her parents and their friends who created a network of prayer after cancer had already ravaged the nerves that control the eye's opening and closing, and was growing fast enough to kill her. When the surgeon reluctantly went back in to operate to try to relieve the pressure... he found the tumor gone and no sign of cancer. Healing miracles still happen in our own time. She is living proof.

I have a friend currently battling cancer. He's been through two aggressive rounds of chemo and the lymphoma just keeps coming back, somewhere else. Now he has a tumor on his spine and it's taken away the use of his left arm and partial use of his right. My deacon friend and I went to see him in the hospital yesterday, and he related the miracle story he had heard from his colleague.

As I drove home last night I wondered why it is that all my prayers have been for emotional and spiritual healing... a whole lot of "if it be your will, please heal this man of his cancer" instead of calling down the power of Christ for a miracle. My faith is not like those of the paralytic's friends. If I am honest, I cannot find that certainty within me to demand a healing for this man. I wish I could. He deserves way more than my puny attempts.

An Incredible Moment with a Paralytic (Mark 2:1-12)

I've always enjoyed the aspect of this story which relates to the paralytic's friends and their faithfulness to get their friend healed. Since his paralysis was a direct result of sin I wonder if his friends knew which sin caused his condition. No matter.

However, in reading Gire's account this time I was drawn to the part where Christ healed the man of his sin and the reaction of the religious leaders. They realized by Christ saying, "Son, your sins are forgiven," that He was claiming to be God. For God alone was the One who could forgive sins. While these leaders were pondering these thoughts in their hearts Christ knew what they were thinking. It is this story in which Mark first refers to Christ as the Son of Man rather than the Son of God.

Here are men who knew the Scriptures and what has been said of the Messiah. They are intelligent men. It continues to amaze me when intelligent people miss Christ. They are caught up with Jesus' claims that He has power to forgive sins. Not only did He claim to be able to forgive this man's sins but He heals him in the process. By Christ performing these deeds He was claiming to be God. What blasphemy to the religious leaders!

I love how Gire states it, "Precisely the point. Their reasoning was exact. It brought them to the right conclusion, but it didn't bring them to Christ. If that hole in the roof teaches us anything, it's that faith is what brings a person to Jesus, not intellectual reasoning. Curiosity crowded the classroom, but it was faith that dug through the roof to bring the paralytic to the feet of Christ." Beautifully explained.

Once He has forgiven the paralytic's sins He "crosses His 't's," so to speak, by healing the man. Christ didn't reach out and touch this man, just as He spoke creation into existence, He tells the man to "get up, pick up your pallet and go home." He didn't even say, "You are healed." Just get up and go home. This is such a vivid example of the power Christ has.

Why would my faith ever falter as I understand His power? I take my eyes off of Him. May I be ever mindful that His reality is the ultimate reality, and His truth is the ultimate truth, now and forever.

An Incredible Moment with a Paralytic

Where do I begin?

The basic premise of the story is one I really like. I love the symbolism and the way Jesus makes his not-so-subtle point about being the Son of Man. So, for these reasons, I am willing to bypass the fact that this, to me, is one of the most unbelievable tales in the bible. Lug a man who is dead weight up the side of a house on a wooden ladder and then lower him through the roof on nothing but a mat? Mentally, I have a lot of trouble with this one. But I digress...

Here are the parts that stuck with me on this chapter:

"Sympathy is the only prescription the community could dispense. And he's had enough of that. He doesn't want sympathy. He wants his life back."

He wants his life back...

(Been there - felt that.)

"The text says he 'saw their faith.' Their faith. The faith of the paralytic's friends. It is on the wings of their faith that the mercy from heaven descends. There's no record that they said anything. So it wasn't what Jesus heard that captured his heart: it was what he saw."

Jesus didn't see the man's faith - He saw the faith of the man's friends. What a beautiful point that when one can't speak for himself, it is his friends that shoulder him - as well as his burden. Where would we all be without our friends???

And then:

"If that hole in the roof teaches us anything, it's that faith is what brings a person to Jesus, not intellectual reasoning. Curiosity crowded the classroom but it was faith that dug through the roof to bring the paralytic to the feet of Christ."

This is the point where my heart began to do a little dance...

But then the prayer pushed it into high gear:

"Thank you for the handful of faithful friends who once carried me on their shoulders and brought me to you. Thank you that no matter how lame my excuses, they refused to leave me resigned to my pallat."

Ken's face - the counselor who had the kahounas to talk to me about God when professionally, its the last thing you're supposed to bring up in therapy - he flashed across my heart first. And then Maureen - my best friend for over half my life who showed me quiet Christianity when I was yelling and screaming my way through life. And then I saw Jack's face - my beautiful friend who couldn't walk into a church or speak God's name without automatically making the sign of the cross across his chest. Next I saw my new church friends - Shannon. Pastor Rick. His wife, Jetta. And then came Penni, Gayla, Julie and Claire - my first four online Christian friends who helped mold me between Sunday services and emails to my pastor. Then came all the others...including all of you. Especially all of you. My heart finally rested here, at this place, with these friends.

And in each of these sweet faces I saw something I'd never seen before...

I saw Jesus himself smiling back at me. Eyes twinkling. Hands outstretched. He's here with us - inside the writings on this blog. He's here with me - inside my heart and mind. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and my old life will be back and all of this happiness, all of this deep abiding love, all of this caring and concern from so many other people will all have been a dream.

I was the paralytic - paralyzed with fear and anger and sorrow. And I, like him - picked up my mat and, in doing so, became another story and another miracle in Jesus' 2,000 year old ministry.

I, too, have been set free.

An Incredible Moment with a Leper

I disagree with Gire on one thing – I don’t think there was a crowd around Jesus when the leper came to him… the Scriptures just don’t come across that way to me…. if so many people had seen Him heal the leper then why would He bother telling the leper not to tell anyone – this was a pretty big miracle

I also think Jesus must have known how the leper felt – Jesus also had a ministry of sorrow…. How many people followed Him just b/c of the miracles and not because of Him as a person… how many times did He have to show signs to people for them to believe – even His disciples…. I don’t know, I I just think Jesus knew the loneliness this leper felt… and I think that’s why He touched him – he didn’t have to – the leper didn’t ask Him too – how much healing did that gesture alone bring to the leper?

I did find it interesting though that the leper and Jesus seemed to switch places after he was healed… it was now Jesus who could no longer go into the city and the leper who was proclaiming the Son of God all over town

Incredible Moment with a Leper

Gire's description of the life of a leper gave me a whole new insight into why the leper spread the story of his healing even though Jesus had specifically told him to "tell no one." A person who has lived with being shunned, no sense of feeling in his extremities, no personal interaction with others for ages, would of course strike up a conversation with anyone who would listen, because now he could. I used to think what an ungrateful clod... he can't follow the simplest directions and now look, Jesus can't even walk the streets openly because of his big mouth. But now I think he was probably so absorbed (as Gire describes) in checking out his fingers and toes, he didn't even hear, let alone register the stern warning to keep his mouth shut.

I've thought before that this Scripture speaks to a number of issues... Christ's amazing compassion and willingness to touch someone considered by the world to be unclean, the man's own amazing faith and humility in saying "if you are willing" (also translated as "if you choose", which I like better) and his subsequent disobedience. How many times have I prayed... if you will only do this for me God, I will do whatever you tell me forever... and then in the excitement of the fulfillment or the aftermath of its glow, promptly forget my promise.

I seem to take three steps backward for every two forward, and yet God does not give up hope.

An Incredible Moment with a Leper (Mark 1:40-45)

What an incredible insight to leprosy. Gire is very compassionate as he paints a very vivid picture of the life of a leper. Let me share some of his descriptive phrases:

"Penetrating the skin the disease, like a moth, eats its way through the network or nerves woven throughout the body's tissues."

"One by one the appendages of the leper suffer their fate against the hard edges of life."

"His is a hard life of muted grays that grow darker and darker with each day. He huddles in the cold and shadowy recesses of that cave with only occasional, faint echoes entering from the outside world."

Gire's descriptions are heart wrenching. One seems to step into the skin of a leper. People are so afraid of people who are different. We want to avoid them at all costs. Lepersy continues to be something which people are afraid.

Here is a man who firmly believed Jesus could heal him. The leper so fervently desired to be healed. The compassionate Christ reaches out and touches the leper. Immediately, he was healed.

Verse 44 shows that Christ was seeking to work within the Judism's system. The verse says, "...see that you say nothing to anyone; but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, as a testimony to them." Christ didn't want people coming to Him just so they could receive physical benefits. In a climate of unbelief God does not perform miracles. God's ability is limited because of His purpose not His power. Belief first then miracles follow. Miracles first to prove? God will never do it. He will not waste miracles on unbelief.

Again, Gire's prayer relates the leperosy, not to just our bodies, but to our hearts. He talks about our leprous abscesses of our hearts which only Christ can touch and heal. Then he moves on to how we should have compassion within us. May we be ready to reach out and touch someone with the love of Christ.

An Incredible Moment with a Leper

Is this my favorite chapter so far?

I think it just might be.

And why?

Couple of reasons, really...

I have often heard of the AIDS epidemic referred to as "the new leprosy." I had a very close (male) friend in High School named Tim. I lost contact with him once college rolled around and several years later I got word from an old high school friend who called to say that Tim's obituary was in the paper earlier in the week. My friend, who I loved like a brother, had died of AIDS and I had never even known he was suffering with the disease.

It was all very "hush, hush."

I have to say, there are only two times in my entire life that I would say "Yes, turn back the clock God, I need to do this over again" and this, my dear friends, is one of those times. I will never get over that I wasn't there to be with him as he went through all this. I know if he had wanted me to be there, he would have called. Perhaps he was afraid of the rejection. Perhaps he was afraid that I wouldn't come. I'll never really know. It sure doesn't make finding out about his death from a rumor running through our old high school group any easier, that's for sure.

Leprosy. Bubonic Plague. AIDS. They are all synonyms for another word...

FEAR.

Although, I have to say, the fear of catching AIDS has lessened for me over the years. I feel safer knowing how AIDS is - and isn't - transmitted and knowing that I know what to do to protect myself as much as one can protect oneself from this disease. No, the fear is not in catching it anymore. The fear is in watching someone you love die from it. Like the family and friends of the lepers in the story, I wonder how much I could take watching my loved one die of such a cruel and destructive disease? Would I eventually stop showing up out of self-preservation or would I have the strength to be like Jesus and love them until the very end - regardless of how they looked or how much pain they were in?

Tim is by far the largest reason I have trouble with the whole issue of homosexuality and how it is related in the bible. Yes, my brother is gay and that has something to do with it, but he's my brother and let's admit it - I'd love him anyway, regardless. But my friend, Tim? I didn't have to love him. I didn't have to accept him for who and what he was. I didn't have to mourn him after I learned of his death.

But I did.

I chose to. I chose to love him and support him and care deeply about him while our lives were crossed for a few years. Tim was my modern day test on leprosy. I can only hope and pray that had I known what he was going through while he was going through it, I would have passed the test and been there for him. I would have held his hand, held his gaze, held his dreams for him. Honestly, I'll never know. God won't turn the clock back for me to find out the answer to this one. I can only pray that when the situation comes up again, somewhere in my life, I'll be that strong. That loving. That much like Jesus.

Father in heaven, today I stop to remember my dear, sweet friend with his infectious smile and his silly laugh. I pray that he is there, nestled in your loving arms; that he knows how much I miss him;, that some day we'll stand together in your choir and sing your praises. Oh sweet Father, I ask for strength to love the unloveable, care for the unmentionable, and love the lost and lonely while I am here on earth. Shower me with your love and grace, Father, so that I might overflow onto others who need it even more than I do.

In Jesus name, I pray.
Amen.

An Insightful Moment with Peter (Luke 5:1-11)

This apparently isn't the only time in which Jesus called Peter to follow Him. If that is the case, I love how faithful Jesus is to continue drawing until we come.

I imagine, like Gire writes, that Peter is sore and tired. To have put in a night of fishing and come up empty handed must have been frustrating to him. And, whether Peter was productive or not, those nets still needed to be cleaned. In my mind, I would much rather clean and mend them after a catch rather than after a zero haul.

Peter is one of my favorite disciples. Maybe because of his zest for life. Peter's obedience to drop the nets into the water shows me a significant amount of faith. At least enough where he bowed his will to the Lord. I see two responses to this event. The first being Peter's amazement (as well as the other's amazement) and Peter's recognition of his sinfulness before Christ. What a humbling experience. What a picture of coming to God! Recognizing our own sinfulness before Almighty God and understanding that we cannot save ourselves. Understanding that Jesus is the only one Who can help us enables us to let go and follow Him.

This whole story demonstrates to me Christ's desire to be involved in our day to day activities. He gets out there with them in the boat. He knows they were not productive during the night and He rectifies it. He rectifies it in such a way that I imagine this would most likely be their biggest haul ever! Can you imagine the human response to all this? The dollar signs were mounting up I bet. Then, He calls them. He calls them to leave their profitable business, to walk away, and become fishers of men. Can I walk away like this when Christ calls me to something?

Unlike the apostle Paul who heard Christ and followed immediately, these men had heard and followed more on a part time basis. They continued to fish as they listened to what Christ had to say, they watched as He healed, they absorbed what ever they could from Him. Once Christ met them at their level...became directly involved in their personal lives, then they left and followed Him full time. This demonstrates to me how important it is for me to not only acknowledge Christ as my Savior, but to move forward out of my past and look to the future, entrusting my future to Him.

I enjoyed Gire's portrayal of Christ teaching the Word. "He doesn't hold it over their heads like a club. He simply holds it up to the light. And thus held, a rainbow of color washes hope over the gray crowd. Colors of a new kingdom in the first blush of its dawn." What a beautiful picture his words paint.

Again, I'm moved by Gire's prayer at the end of the chapter. Maybe because I'm a caustious person, let's not rush into things without checking them out kind of person I was convicted by Gire's writing, "Call me, Lord, out from a shallow faith near the shore, which requires no risks and offers no rewards. Call me to a deeper commitment to You. And when You call, grant that I would be quick in my boat, swift to my oars, and fast with my nets. And I pray, grant me the eyes to see who it is who labors by my side...an awesome and almighty God." Oh, yes, an awesome and almighty God indeed!

I'm still awed when I ponder on how God desires to work alongside me. He allows me to come into His work and toil right along with Him. Does He need my help? Absolutely not. What a privilege it is to be granted access! Hallelujah!

An Insightful Moment with Peter

I love this story. It reminds me of my life changing decision 7 years ago.

I was working as a Hall Director at a university. I had my sights set on becoming a Vice President of Student Affairs someday and my future was looking bright. I had received a national award for my work in housing and had many glowing references and items for my resume. I was serving on committees with the President and many Vice Presidents from the University and had a great network.

Then my husband graduated from graduate school and we moved to Kansas City for his new job. I secured a job on campus at the university and began making new connections but wanted to be back in Springfield. My position was as a Hall Director again and after 5 years of living on campus and our son rapidly approaching 2 years of age. It was time to move off campus. Unfortunately none of the jobs at the university were panning out. Then a position came open at our church for an administrator and I applied.

It was such a strange experience. These people were not even slightly impressed with my resume or all my glowing references. They could care less about my national awards. They wanted to know me, about my walk with God, about my struggles to follow Him, what was my dark side like, and all that. I had NEVER been through a job interview like this one. I found myself completely in the dark and for the first time ever totally dependent on God.

What began as a way to earn some money until something at the university opened up, began to totally transform my life. I realized that God was asking me to leave my fishing boat (my career in the university) and come follow Him to become a fisher of people. So I stepped away from the money, the prestige, the education I had spent years getting, and of course the approval of all the people who couldn't believe I was leaving my career to go to work for a church. Now almost exactly 7 years later, I can not imagine doing anything else and I feel so amazingly priviledged to get to do what I do.

I still struggle with saying to Jesus "Because you say so I will..." but I am so very thankful that He is patient with me and continues to make me into someone I never dreamed I would be.

An Intimate Moment with Peter

Peter is my favorite Bible character (you know, besides Jesus) because I identify with him completely. We are so much alike at times. We are both head-strong and heart-strong. We often rush in whole-heartedly, sometimes before our brains can catch up with what we are doing or saying. My husband calls it “being passionate.”

I love this passage with Jesus and Peter. It is really intimate. And for one of the only times that I can remember, Peter does something without question. His comment gives his thoughts away – he was a little wary of what Jesus was asking him to do. But he still was polite and obedient.

Here is a man. A fisherman. A good fisherman. A guy that is a professional – he knows what he’s doing. And with all his skill, he hasn’t caught anything that night. He begins to clean his nets – an arduous task that will take a bit of time, but he is skilled so it comes naturally. But it is still work, even for Peter. Here comes some guy, crowded around by people – people that that probably didn’t help the fisherman, more than likely they got in the way. Jesus asks for his boat, so Peter complies. Then Jesus asks for something bigger - put out your nets. He didn’t ask when Peter and his crew were fishing, but rather after they had gotten done and were cleaning their nets.

And Peter does it – no questions or excuses. And it pays off. This is not the Peter we are used to seeing, but then again, this isn’t “Peter” – its Simon. From now on, Peter will follow the Savior – and he will do it with all of his heart! He will be the first one in. The first one ready with the sword. And the first to leave everything and follow. His passion was ignited only after he quit being Simon the fisherman, and started being Peter, the fisher of men.

Intimate Moment with Peter

Peter has always been one of my favorite disciples. This encounter is perhaps the only time that Peter chooses his words carefully. After that, he's constantly putting his foot in it. The one thing Peter leaves that isn't mentioned, is his wife. I wonder about her feelings in all of this: he's leaving not only a decent livlihood, but taking a drastic move to follow an itinerant preacher to his death. We only hear about her once... when Jesus cures her of fever, and she's obviously still on speaking terms with Peter, because she gets up and serves them.

The prayer was the most helpful to me..."call me from a shallow faith near the shore, which requires no risks... call me to a deeper commitment to you." Many of my friends know that I have no trouble with risk. It's the deep commitment part that stalls me every time.

An Intimate Moment with Peter

It's been a weekend full of reading for me. Some of it from the book that Dan loaned me to read; some from the book "Waking the Dead" that was referenced at our church service last Wednesday night and some from "Moments with the Savior." They've all had a profound effect on me throughout the weekend - leaving me questioning things and seeking answers.

One of the recurring themes that has circled my daily life for several months now is "Now that God is in my life and my light for Him has been turned on, how will that affect what I do for a living?" I've become more and more restless with my job as an administrative professional to the point where going to work has become almost a chore for me. Something I once loved to do has now become fruitless and has left me wanting to change directions entirely. But what? Where? How?

I think many Christians look at the story of Peter and say to themselves, "Wow, he walked away from everything he knew to follow Jesus. That must have really taken some guts..." I used to think that way. But today, reading this chapter, as I am home sick from work on a day when I probably could have gone in (but why bother) I find myself thinking Peter is the luckiest man in the entire bible. He saw so clearly what his calling was that he never stopped to doubt it. He left his career not as it was going down the tubes, but at the high point - where he had just hauled in the biggest catch of his life, and still, he walked away. He knew...somehow he knew in his bones that it was the right thing to do.

I feel God pushing me away from what I used to love so it would be easier for me to let go and move on to what He wants for me to become; but I, unlike Peter, am not so sure of things. And yet, what is stopping me? A mortgage? A puppy dog? A car payment? I know I'm going to regret this later (I almost always do...) but okay, God, here goes...

Show me. Take my hand and show me. I'll open up my life to you in the same way Simon Peter did if you will just show me what it is you desire of my life. I'm ready to cut my strings and move on if that is what you want for me to do - but I need you to show me in the same simple, direct way that you showed Simon Peter. Just tell me as simply as the words you spoke to him -

"Don't be afraid...from now on you will catch men."

Whether it be a move to something more spiritual or whether you have something in mind where I do regular work but minister to those around me through it, I invite you to share your dreams for me with me. I promise that no matter what I hear not to blame it on the Nyquil...

An Insightful Moment at Nazarus

I'm going to start off my going in a whole different direction here by blowing up one line in this chapter and running with it. Bear with me, K?

"For those "few" and for those "others" he left the door open. Just as his Father had been willing to do for Sodom, for as few people as ten."

One thought has come back to me over and over again the whole time we've been reading this book and I would just like to wonder out loud for a moment.

When, exactly, do you think it was that Jesus stopped thinking of Joseph as his "father" and started thinking of God as his FATHER? I know this seems like a ridiculous question but it keeps poking at me so I'm going to run with it here for a moment. See, we have our human fathers and we have God, our Father. But Jesus - He really was the Father's son and not Joseph's and I wonder if at any point that dawned on Jesus? Surely Mary didn't speak to him of his conception (everybody saw "eeewww, gross!") so at what point did Jesus look at Joseph and wonder, "Is this man my father?" And, if he did ever realize it, did it change the way he felt about Joseph or about how he felt as being the product of a union between God and Mary? Did he ever know for sure that Joseph was not his biological son?

I know its weird to think about this but every time I hear or see Jesus referring to "my Father's house" or "my Father's wishes" I wonder about this. Where - at what point in his life - did Jesus make this connection and begin to speak as if he were talking about his Father also being his father? Or did he?

Any feedback ladies???

An Insightful Moment at Nazareth

I didnt really get anything new out of this lesson, but once again, I relate very much to this story (I think I see a pattern to how I write developing)

This story always brings back to memory how and why we left our last church - my hometown church. The church I grew up at. Its a beautiful small white country church. But its over-run with my family. And they refused to see me in any other role than "Sunday School kid." Didn't matter that I was 24 - I would never be good enough. And neither was Daniel - yeah, he was ok to do a job when no one else wanted it, but if someone else did, then he was to cease immediately and let the other person take over - just because they were older, not because they had more experience.

We thought about staying and trying to work from the inside out, but this is not what God wanted. So an ugly incident happened and we were forced out. For the first time, we had to venture out on our own, trusting only in God.

And Im so glad it happened because the church we are at now has been used so much and is always growing and pushing each other to be better.... for the first time in my life, I didnt have the bondage of apathy holding me back...

An Insightful Moment at Nazareth (Luke 4:16-30)

Wow! What a summary of Jesus' entire ministry! By that I mean, He declared Himself to be the Messiah, the Jews who were filled with rage proved they were unworthy of God's blessings, and so the gospel message would also then go to the Gentiles.

The passage of Scripture, Isaiah 61:1-2, is a messianic passage. He stops reading after "to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord." The next line talks about God's vengeance. Jesus was bold in His announcement proclaiming himself as the One who would bring this Good News to pass. He didn't repeat the rest of the verse because it was not time for that part to be revealed.

The people were fascinated at His teaching as evidenced by He "was praised by all," as well as, "and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him." Then He declared, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." The people marveled at His "gracious words" (lit. "words of grace") but then immediately began to question the authority on why He could say these things. And, once He mentions the two instances in which the prophets did miraculous acts of grace to Gentiles they went ballistic. It really irked the Jews that Christ said the Gentiles deserved God's blessing rather than the Jews. It irritated them so much they tried to kill Him.

Again, I feel Gire takes too much liberty in putting thoughts and human feelings into Christ when he writes. When Gire writes how "He didn't expect the leaders of the synagogue to denounce Him. Didn't expect His family to distance themselves from Him. Or His neighbors to turn on Him." My belief is He did expect those things. He knew He would be rejected by His own people and that He would go to the Cross. Now, did it sadden Him? Yes, I do think Gire has some excellent thoughts regarding His sadness.

Now, when Gire quotes Matthew 14:54-58, why Jesus "didn't do many miracles there because of their lack of faith," and Mark 6:4, Gire mentions Christ's restraint as being remarkable. He talks about how Christ was not resentful, or derogatory, nor did He correct their misconceptions. Now, to do so would have been sin. Don't you think that because He was "in the power of the Spirit" He wouldn't do those things? In verse 4:14, which is a few verses before where Gire begins, it states, "And Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about Him spread through all the surrounding district." He had just returned from His 40 days in the wilderness where the Holy Spirit sustained Him and now He was returning to Galilee in the power of the Spirit. We are ourselves are able to not sin when we allow the Holy Spirit's power to enable us. Christ was so close to His Father and so in tuned to the Spirit, I can't really believe that He would have been too tempted to "retaliate" verbally here. That's my take on it.

But then, Gire moves to Matthew 11:20 where Christ begins denouncing the cities because they did not repent. I thought Gire's take on why Christ did not pronounce judgment on Nazareth was interesting. I had never thought of Gire's take on it, that is, Jesus not wanting that to happen to His hometown. It makes more sense to me that it was because He knew there were some people who would repent and be saved out of Nazareth, whereas, in the other cities He would have known if no one was going to repent.

I also struggled with Gire's statement of [speaking of Nazareth] "An omission made possible because Jesus was, above all a [emphasis mine] Savior. Christ is not one of many saviors, He is the Savior, the only One who has the power to resurrect from death to life. All others, Mohammed, Buddha, Gandhi, etc are still in the grave. Christ is the only one who has an empty grave.

An Insightful Moment at Nazareth

This Scripture/chapter makes perfect sense in a very human way. "You can never go home" is another expression that echoes the same dilemma. People pigeonhole you with their memories. If you were ordinary as a child, there's no room for extraordinary as an adult. The folks at the synagogue certainly weren't expecting Jesus to beat them to the punch by citing the healings of Elijah and Elisha, and indicating that others (foreigners even) would receive that same preferential treatment before them. No wonder they were angry. Here was their hometown boy. It was his job to give them credit for the wonderful start they had given him... and he didn't do that.

Jesus makes a lot of people angry a lot of the time when he speaks a truth they don't want to hear. This incident was no exception. But he also reinforces (many times) that the faith people have in him contributes to their cures. We don't like to hear that truth ourselves, sometimes... when a dear friend who is a faithful Christian suffers from illness or dies. God's ways are a mystery and Jesus was a mystery to the people he grew up with.

I liked the slant Gire takes on restraint, although I didn't get that from the Scripture itself.

An Incredible Moment with a Royal Official (John 4:46-53)

We find Christ has returned to Cana where He performed His first miracle at the request of His mother. I find it interesting that this second request is performed for a father. I'm sure there is no significance to that...I was just intrigued. How special the people at Cana were to have Christ perform two separate significant miracles there. At the wedding He revealed His power over time. The Father is always making water into wine, but He takes a season or two to accomplish it. This time Christ showed His power over space. He was not limited by being in Cana rather than Capernaum.

We have no idea whether this man was a Jew or a Gentile, we just know that he kept beseeching Christ on behalf of his son. The nobleman requested Jesus to travel to Capernium, some 20 miles away. This really illustrates that man has a problem with distance. We think the presence of Christ is more powerful than the Word of Christ.

"Jesus said to him, 'Unless you people see signs and wonders, you simply will not believe'"(John 4:48). I do not take His statement to the nobleman as a rebuke. To me it is a lament at the spiritual condition of the people in general, both in Judea and Galilee. Even today there are many people who stand on the philosophy of "seeing is believing."

The nobleman made two mistakes. The first was in thinking that Christ had to go to Capernaum to save the boy and the second was if the boy died then it was too late. Most of us say, "Show me and I'll believe but Christ says, "Believe me and I'll show you." This man had tremendous faith in Christ. What was interesting to witness was his obedience to Christ. This demonstrated his faith when he returned home without Jesus by his side.

My understanding is the 'seventh hour' in Roman time would be 7:00 pm. It would have been too dangerous for either the nobleman to return home or for the servants to start out to meet him. So they all waited until the next day to begin traveling. How strong his faith must have been! Even though the father had faith in his son's healing, he thought it would be gradual not instantaneous. Look at verse 52, "So he inquired of them the hour when he began to get better..." Yet the servants reported a complete, instant recovery.

What I took from this Scripture passage is there are four stages of faith:

1. The first is we begin with a crisis of faith. We want an immediate miracle. We have exhausted all other options until there is no recourse but the Lord Jesus Christ.
2. I see the nobleman's crisis of faith turn into confident faith. He believed the Word and experienced peace in his heart. He was even able to delay his trip home knowing that his son was out of danger.
3. Thirdly, I see his confident faith became confirmed faith. His son was completely healed...at once. Exactly when Jesus spoke the Word.
4. Lastly he experienced contagious faith and shared it with others. It was at the moment Christ spoke and the boy was healed that made a believer out of him and his household. He believed that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of God.

This was a private miracle. The boy wasn't at Cana for all to see. I'm sure the news spread rapidly. What is interesting to me is Christ's miracles were instantaneous copies of what the Father is always doing. "My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working" (John 5:17). So God the Father is constantly making wine, season after season, but the Son multiplies it instantly.

I actually didn't get all that much out of what Gire, himself, wrote as much as I got out of the Scripture itself. However, I have been thoroughly blessed by each prayer which Gire includes at the end of each chapter. They are very thought provoking, detail oriented. That is how I pray. My prayers are detail oriented, exact and then there is never any doubt that it is God answering my prayer. I don't want anyone to think that a prayer was so general it could have happened some other way, other than God. Heaven forbid! May He alone get all the glory!

Incredible Moment with a Royal Official

A couple of things popped out at me from this reading... the first in particular because I've just come back from a retreat where "thinking outside the box" was the order of the day. The royal official definitely qualifies (as thinking outside the box) on more than one level. First, it he truly was Herod's man as Gire suggests, then he risked a lot to go openly to Jesus. Second, he was not too proud to beg, and third, once Jesus told him to go home, he did it. No additional pleading because the form of the cure did not meet his expectations. When I think of how many times I expect God to do it my way, and can't recognize His imprint on a situation, I'm in awe of this man.

The second thing that struck me was that his servants made the trip to meet him with the good news. Even if they had been dispatched by his wife, the fact that they hurried to find him and reassure him tells me that he must have been a decent master. Jesus must have seen through his own weariness and disillusionment to agree to heal this man's child from such a distance. It's mentioned more than once in the Bible that the healings took a physical toll on Jesus. Yet he reached out over time and space to grant this man's fervent request. Awesome.

An Incredible Moment with a Roman Official

This story touches so close to home this week. The family of a guy I work with was in a terrible wreck last week. His wife and two of his three kids were taken to the local hospital. The third child, his youngest, was taken to one of the best hospitals in the area… he was 5 years old. The wife and other two children were released a few days later. The little boy coded for the first two nights. They were told that he would never get better or wake up and that they had a big decision to make…. The boy passed away later that night.

The father sent the following message to all of those who were praying and supporting them in this time:

“This has been an extremely difficult time for us all, and we sincerely appreciate the prayers and comfort we have all received from you. It was very uplifting to have so many join us at Mass last night. Please remember that prayers are answered. The miracle we were praying for will be granted to the families who receive his organs.”

Talk about faith… this humbles me…

An Intimate Moment with a Woman at the Well

What jumped out at me this time is something Gire didn’t even cover, and isn’t exactly about the woman either. It’s the last part of the Scripture…

“So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers.”

Here is a group of people that on a normal occasion would hate a Jew, and a normal Jew would hate this group of people. But this is no ordinary Jew. How fascinating that this group almost immediately accepts Him and what He says to them. How different would this scene be if it had been actual Jews – Jesus’ own people, instead of the Samaritans? It seems to me, that most times that Jesus was with the Jews, they rejected Him. Or if they didn’t reject Him, they “needed” a sign to believe. But all it takes for these people is His presence and His words.

These people were so hungry for love, so thirsty for life, that they didn’t bother bartering for it. They automatically just ate and drank up what the Messiah had to offer.

So who am I more often – a Jew that always needs a sign before I accept what God offers whether that be blessings or trials, or am I a Samaritan that takes what God offers, no questions asks, simply because it was Him that offered it?

An Intimate Moment with a Woman at a Well (John 4:4-30, 39-42)

You know, after two thousand years, things really haven't changed too much in life. This story of the Samaritan woman brings that vividly home. Let me share just a little bit of background for those who may be reading this and not be familiar with the Samaritans.

Finally the sins of Israel's people caught up with them. God allowed Assyria to defeat and disperse the people. They were led into captivity, swallowed up by the mighty, evil Assyrian empire. Sin always brings discipline, and the consequences of that sin are sometimes irreversible. You can read about the king of Assyria in 2 Kings 17:24, "The king of Assyria brought men from Babylon and from Cuthah and from Avva and from Hamath and Sephar-vaim, and settled them in the cities of Samaria in place of the sons of Israel. So they possessed Samaria and lived in its cities. " My footnote for this verse states, "Moving the Israelites out and moving foreigners in was Assyria's resettlement policy to prevent revolt. Spreading the captives across Assyria prevented their uniting, and repopulating Israel with foreign captives made it difficult for the remaining Israelites to unite as well. This mixture of peoples resettled in Israel came to be known as Samaritans. They were despised by the Jews, even through the time of Christ." Because of the intermarriages between the foreigners the remaining Jews, the pure Jews hated the Samaritans believing the remaining Jews had betrayed their people and their nation when they intermarried.

It is interesting to me that the Jews would avoid traveling through Samaria at any cost. However, Christ had no such cultural restrictions. In John 4:4 it says, "And He had to pass through Samaria." The way this is worded in the Greek means it is a logical necessity, a moral obligation. Christ knew He had a divine appointment!

He arrives at the well around noon, in the heat of the day. The woman who approached had a lot going against her. Not only was she a Samaritan woman but she was living in open sin and she was out in a very public place. Most women would come in the early morning or early evening when it was cooler. This woman came when others would not be around. She is shocked, to say the least, when Christ asks her to give Him a drink. In John 4:9 it states, "...for the Jews had no dealings with the Samaritans." The literal translation is "share no cups together."

Christ begins talking with her drawing her out. He knew the gospel is for everyone, regardless of their sin, their race, their social standing. She didn't understand Him at first when He spoke of "living water." And, as He drew closer to her private life, she quickly changed the subject. How often do we do that today? When things begin to get a little uncomfortable we change the subject, redirect the focus elsewhere. He was patient and took the time to lead her back into the main point of His conversation.

He shares with her about how she has not been worshiping correctly. She talked about how important the location to worship was to her in verse 20. Christ shares with her true worshippers worship the Father in spirit and in truth. In verse 24 He follows with, "God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." It is important to understand that if our concept of God is wrong, then our concept of worship will be wrong, too. True truth is intolerant.

Overall, I see three important points to this story. The first is that salvation is the gift of God. I draw this from John 4:10, "...If you knew the gift of God..." The second point that I see is salvation is instantaneous and forever. This comes out of John 4:14, "But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." Finally the third point is that salvation is rooted in a person...Jesus Christ. In John 4:25-26 it states, "The woman said to Him, 'I know that Messiah is coming (He who is calle Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us.' Jesus said to her, 'I who speak to you am He.'"

One other thing that stood out to me. She didn't immediately believe. But Christ gave her time to think and process the things which He shared with her. I need to remember as I share with others they may need time to process the good news. It is only Christ and His Word that can save people. And, once she understood and believed, she was quick to go and share with others. Even if there are sins in our past which we think are monumental Christ brings change into our lives.

I love how Gire puts it at the end of the meditation section, "To her, this stranger was first simply "a Jew"...then "Sir"...then "a prophet." Now she sees Him for who He really is---"Messiah." What a divine encounter that day!

An Intimate Moment With the Woman at the Well

How interesting that I would read this passage following a conversation I had yesterday. In giving a tour of our building following the service, I had the opportunity to engage in a lengthy discussion with someone who is searching to know the heart of God. A self proclaimed agnostic, she was looking to see who God is and what that would look like in her life.

As we talked, I talked about how we all have a God shaped hole in us. A part of us that can only be filled by God. It is the ache in our souls, the part of us that longs for something more, that wants to believe there is a life out there that is better than the one we have. We may try to attain power, prestige, marriage, children, material things, popularity and even religious activity to make the hole go away but the chasm grows ever wider.

It is only a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ that can fill that hole and bring to us living water. The Holy Spirit will come to live in us and give us the power to stand firm against our flesh, the world, and the enemy. He will transform us as we open ourselves up and repent of our sin and our attempt to do life on our own.

So then I read this meditation and I think hmm, yep, we all have a God shaped hole and we can choose to continue to fill it with things (water) from this world or we can go to Jesus and fill up with living water.

I've tasted both and the water of this world always leaves you thirsty for something more so I want to long more for my Lord and His living water.

A Side Note

Just a side note, I have not fallen off the planet nor given up. I have been reading along but have had no time to post.

As Jules knows we have been preparing for our "Winter Invitational" at church where we send out thousands of invitations to come to church with us. It's always a busy week with activities on the surface: cleaning, preparing informational pieces on the ministries, working out logositics and then under the surface: prayer, fasting, prayer walks, spiritual warfare to guard our hearts and the hearts of those we hope will come to get closer to the heart of God.

So our first Sunday was yesterday and it was good. We saw many new families and individuals come. They are gun shy, not sure a "church" is where they fit and we stand there waiting for them, inviting them in to seek the face of our God, our Lord, our King, and know Him, Jesus Christ, as their Lord and Savior.

Your prayers are appreciated for spiritual coverage of our folks and the folks who are seeking to know God.

Thanks:)

An Intimate Moment with a Woman at a Well

We finally get to the story of the woman at the well. Next to the story of the Prodigal Son, this is one of my favorites.

"She has gone from man to man like one lost in the desert, sun-struck and delirious. For her, marriage has been a retreating mirage. Again and again she has returned to the matrimonial well, hoping to draw from it something to quench her thirst for love and happiness. But again and again, she has left that well disappointed."

Well, at least she GOT to the matrimonial well. I, on the other hand, have not even made it that far in my relationships with men. There were a few that I thought would, could, should get that far, but it always eluded me. In the end, they all cheated or they lied or they just threw me away. Eventually, I began beating them to the punch.

Now, of course, I realize I wasn't dating men that knew God. They weren't looking to build a family or build a solid life. They were looking to solve their lonliness for a few months or years and then move on when things got tough. I used to think it was me. Now I know better. It was me alright - me picking men that God would not allow for me to have because He knew some day I'd be here and they would not be good enough for me. (That God...He's so darn smart!)

"Yet, to her, a nameless woman with a failed life, he gives the most profound discourse in Scripture on the subject of worship - that God is spirit and that worship is not an approach of the body to a church, but an approach of the soul to the spirit of God."

Can I hear an AMEN?! That is just so beautiful!

But why I love this story so much is because it happens to be an interaction between Christ and a woman. Jesus Christ, in a day when it was "all about the men," shares this revelation with a worn out, "I feel useless" woman. It's one of the few times that I feel my worth in being a woman while reading the bible. He told one of US. He offers living water to one of US. He sees US as worthy.

Worthy of His time. Worthy of His knowledge. Worthy of His love.

Note to my friends...

Dear ones,
It's Sunday night and I'll be flying back to NYC (maybe) tomorrow. It's still pretty iffy whether the flights are actually going, but all online indications say yes. Unfortunately my sisters in Brewster cannot dig out from under their 28 inches to pick me up at the airport, so I won't be posting tomorrow as I had previously planned. (Clarification: I can post, but the book is still in Brewster, so I haven't done my homework.) Please bear with me.Love to all.
Claire Joy

An Intimate Moment with Nicodemus

I read this chapter early Thursday morning and then walked away from it to allow it sink in for awhile. At first, I thought the chapter was pretty good, but I didn't really see anything that pulled me into it like a lot of the other chapters have.

Then, today, two things happened. First, I started the morning at the dentist's office to finally repair a badly damaged tooth. It had two different fillings in it from childhood and they had both worn away enough that now a third cavity was forming - leaving the tooth in real danger of dying. I made the appointment once the new calendar year rolled around (thus, upping my benefits from 80% to 90% coverage!) and today I went in, knowing full well that whatever they did to this tooth it was going to be mucho dinero. At the very least it was going to be some repair work and a crown (can anybody say $1,000?) and if a root canal was also needed, then chuck another $895 bucks onto that first grand. And yes, I have insurance, but it only covers the first $1,000 of major work per year and so that buys the crown and then I'm on my own to pay for the rest of the work. So, lying in that chair waiting for the novacaine to kick in, I thought about how I needed a miracle today and I started to pray.

I prayed HARD. Okay, God, you tell me to pray about everything, so here goes...How about sparing me from a root canal today? I used to never pray about such simple things, but hey, now I know better. (You can't get a "yes" if you don't ask the question, right?)

I sat in the chair praying and while I did I looked at the three scenic photographs that are on the wall directly in front of my oddly shaped dental chair. Each one is a picture of a place that my dentist has been to and today I was in the room with photographs from the Grand Tetons, The Grand Canyon and a picture of the Anasazi Indian village ruins in Arizona. These just happen to be three of my most favorite places in all the world.

I let my mind dig deeply into the picture of the Grand Canyon and realized that when you first look at it, it draws your eye up, out of the shadows in the foreground and back to the sun and clouds of the horizon. I closed my eyes between prayers and then would reopen them again, and yes, the same thing happened again...my eyes would originally start by seeing the darker areas but then would be pulled up to the top where the light shone in.

And that's when I knew that not only was God in the room with me, but He was also showing me something about the chapter I had been ruminating on for the past day. Nicodemus came to meet with Jesus in the dark of night. They spent quite awhile together, talking and discussing matters, so its probably not a stretch to think that Nicodemus left at dawn as it was making itself known on the horizon. Nicodemus came to Jesus in the dark (both from a time standpoint and also from one of knowledge) and left heading towards the light...

Even in the darkness, you cannot help but be drawn into the light of the man known as Jesus of Nazareth. You might start out in the darkness, but your mind would quickly draw you into the light. I think it was instinctual - we seem to know truth when we hear it - if, indeed, we choose to really listen. It's part of God's good grace (I think) that we can be in total darkness and still see our way to His light.

About that time, the dentist came in, got started working on the tooth and then told me it had a lot of decay but it didn't appear to need a root canal and that the tooth could certainly "be saved."

It was no surprise to me. If I could be saved, surely so could my tooth...

An Intimate Moment with Nicodemus (John 3:1-21)

This story of Jesus and Nicodemus always gives me hope. In my mind it is easier for a very poor person to see the hope which Christ offers. However, so often people in power, who are educated, do not see a need. Yet, with Christ even a most learned religious leader can come to understand the need for the Savior.

I do think Nicodemus came under the pretense of representing 'the group' because he uses the word 'we' when he first approaches Jesus. I quote, "Rabbi, we know that You have come from God as a teacher..." But, his pretense quickly slips away as Christ draws him near. I find it intriguing that Nicodemus has impressive credentials, is a Jew, and a member of the powerful Jewish Council and yet he has a Greek name.

Nicodemus was open in seeing Jesus. He came himself, even though he came under cover of darkness. But I see him desiring to look upon Jesus in person, to examine Him to see if He indeed was true. Nicodemus was definitely searching. He understood that Jesus had some answers to give. He truly desired to be taught by Christ. You know, no matter how intelligent and well educated we are, we all must come to Christ with an open mind and heart.

I wonder as he sat there and listened to what Christ shared with him about how he needed to be born again, did that shake up his world? Being a Pharisee, Nicodemus understood about the kingdom of God. What he had not grasped was that it was personal. To be a part of this kingdom Nicodemus would have to be born again. I love how Gire puts it, "He [Christ] upended the wooden thinking of the most prominent teacher in all Israel."

Christ's illustration of the wind representing the Holy Spirit in verse 8 is very telling. We can't see the wind, only hear it. No one controls the wind but God. No one controls the Holy Spirit. He works in ways far beyond our comprehension. We did not control our physical birth. In the same way we cannot control our spiritual birth. It is a gift from God through the Holy Spirit. ("The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God" Romans 8:16. And, 1 Corinthians 2: 10-12, "For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God.")

Nicodemus, who knew the Old Testament very well, didn't understand what it said about the Messiah. It goes to show that head knowledge is not salvation. It's when it moves from the head to a person's heart that salvation takes place. We look to Christ for our salvation, believing He alone will save us.

Nicodemus came in darkness but he left shining in the light! There isn't much known about Nicodemus but we do know he left Christ as a changed man. I believe the next time we see Nicodemus is in the Jewish Council where they are discussing ways to do away with Jesus. He spoke up about justice. Granted it was shot down but he had revealed his change. Finally, it is Nicodemus who joined Joseph of Arimathea in asking for Christ's body in order to bury Him. Nicodemus certainly came under cover but in the end, he stood "in the full light of day!"

An Intense Moment at the Temple

So this is where spring cleaning got its start! I knew little pieces of the passover story but had never heard the whole thing put into context before so that was something new for me that I got from this chapter.

I, too, get very discouraged around Christmas time with the whole "I want this" and "I want that" concept. I think that's why I'm so excited about celebrating Lent this year because it is one of the two most major events for Christians and THIS ONE doesn't revolve entirely around commercialism. (Plus, how bad can a holiday be when the only thing stores ask you to buy is lots and lots of candy???)

On a more serious side...

I love that it was Jesus that finally stood up and said "no more!" I have often wondered how even the most spiritual of people can stand up to constantly being lavished with nice robes, gold inlay art pieces and papal-type surroundings. How could you not come to love that? How easy would it be for a holy man to be elevated to that status and then give it all up? It's like you or I winning the lottery and then running out of money. It would be a mighty big thug for anyone when they hit the dirt ground again.

But Jesus knew - He knew that they were bringing sin and filth into His Father's house and He saw it for what it was. He could easily have joined the many priests and holy officials and demanded His share of the goods and luxuries but He, being a man of sandals and sleeping under the stars, really never saw the need for luxury. He knew what it takes most of us our entire lifetimes to learn...that a simple life is more fulfilling, more rewarding and more "full."

I especially loved the closing prayer in this chapter.

"Come, Lord Jesus. Come to the temple of my heart. Overturn the tables. Drive out the moneychangers. And do what you have to do to make it a place of prayer..."

Amen. Bring it on.

An Intense Moment at the Temple (John 2:13-21)

I was really convicted by this chapter when I equated the temple of God (the building) with my body now being the temple of God. What all do I allow in to corrupt the temple where my God resides? Christ was insulted with the acts that took place within the temple and He did not deal with them half heartedly. How often do I just give myself a half hearted slap on the wrist? Or worse, tell myself that I will deal with 'that sin' at a more convenient time?

This is something that needs to be dealt with every single day...the laying down of one's will. Back in March of 1998 I was convicted yet again of giving myself totally to the Lord. Allowing Him to come in and 'clean' house, my temple.

My prayer then is written below and it continues to be my prayer today....

Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all, utterly to You to be Yours forever. Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit. Use me as You would, send me where You will, work out Your whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever. In Christ's precious Name I pray, Amen.

May it never be for me that the "good life becomes more important than a good heart!"

An Intense Moment at the Temple

This was a really good lesson for me – really exciting and very relatable…

I was very disappointed and disgusted with last year’s Christmas. I found it almost impossible to get into the “Christmas spirit.” Everywhere I turned, it was nothing but commercialism. It just made me sick. Very few people knew the real meaning of Christmas anymore – it was all about spending enough money to get you in debt because that’s how you really showed love. It was about seeing who could find the best deal on the one thing everyone wanted. It was about craving things that you didn’t need and in a year, you probably wouldn’t even know where it was. It was all about having the best decorations on the block – and just try to find a nativity set this year, I dare you….

Where was the celebration of the Christ-child?
Where was the humility of his birth?
Where was the rejoicing with the angels?
Where was the laying down of your most precious earthly possessions?

What hit hardest for me was to find out quite a few churches in our area were closed that day.

As we do every year, we went to Christmas Eve communion – a beautiful, intimate service, I sat there upset. I wondered why I couldn’t get into the “Christmas spirit” this year. Why was I letting all of this bother me? And then it hit me – I WAS in the Christmas spirit – the true Christmas spirit – what it was all about…. I was hurting for those who I knew would be alone this year… the shut-ins, the widows, the orphans…. I was grieving for the lost innocence of the season. And I was celebrating the Christ-child above all else. I didn’t have to be concerned with the commercialism, the decorations, the presents….. all I had to do was sit still, be quiet, and if I listened hard enough, I could still hear the angels singing….

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Another thought that occurred to me was the zeal that God had for the church as a building itself. How holy it was supposed to be and how man had depraved it of that…. How we still do that today – we bring in our secular movies, music, magazines and claim that we are using them to illustrate God or that its just a building so it cant be defiled, besides its just entertainment, we arent participating in these things ourselves….

It just seems to me that we are ok with watering down the church and the Bible…. but I don’t think God is ok with it…

An Incredible Moment at a Wedding

I wasnt going to post b/c I pretty much would echo everyone else, so I didnt see a need, but I kept mulling things over in my head, and this story is really cool in the fact that Christ calls himself our bridegroom and he talks about putting new wine into old skins and such in Matthew 9

Matthew 9:15-17 "And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast. No man putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse. Neither do men put new wine into old bottles: else the bottles break, and the wine runneth out, and the bottles perish: but they put new wine into new bottles, and both are preserved.

also, Im under the impression that this wasnt a very public miracle, like only the servants and the company of Jesus knew what was going on, while all the others in the room enjoyed his blessing without even knowing it was from Him.... this makes me think of the world - His followers know whats going on, while the rest of the world is enjoying His blessings, but has no idea that its Him thats blessing them... I wonder if the disciples at that time wanted to make sure he got credit for that or just took it all in? And was it a "private miracle" b/c it wasnt yet His time?

just my thoughts

An Incredible Moment at a Wedding (John 2:1-11)

I really like this story of Jesus. Maybe because it shows Him enjoying life, celebrating a new couple, the start of a new family. Christ knows that His time to begin His mission is near. At least I believe He knew it would be soon. His mission was to save the world...to save us from our sins. Yet He took time to congregate in a celebration. It comes back to balance. Even today, in life, we sometimes tend to overwork ourselves rather than balancing the things of life. Social occasions are important for us. We never know, when we are involved with people, God may open up opportunities to share Him with the people around us.

As for Mary calling upon Jesus to 'do something' about the wine, I think, that with Joseph dead she probably called on Jesus to do a lot of things. I don't believe she expected a miracle but, rather, maybe He could do something to solve this major problem. She probably knew that whatever He would do she could trust Him to do what was right and not bring any more embarrassment on the wedding family. How important it is for us to trust Christ to work in our lives, knowing that He knows what is best for us!

Can you imagine the excitement that was generated by the new wine? My heart aches when I hear people say that God just isn't exciting enough...they see no meaning in turning to Him. It is like they expect Him to be dull and lifeless and, yet, He is anything but that!!!! Talk about filling one's life with purpose, meaning, excitement, joy, and elation He can do all this and more!

One of the most profound statements in this chapter is this: "Without a word from his lips, without a touch from his hand, Jesus simply wills the water to become wine. And in the sacred presence of that thought, the water prostrates itself and obeys." When Jesus wills something in my life, do I prostrate myself and obey? Oh, Father God, I do not do this. Not nearly often enough! Help me Lord to bring my will under Your authority. I pray that I would not hesitate to obey. I would not question that another way could be better. May I trust You implicitly for my life...

I loved the prayer at the end of the chapter. I know so many people, many who don't even recognize what they are feeling is the gnawing emptiness of not knowing the Lord. I've prayed this many, many times and will continue to pray this many more times, I'm sure.

Incredible Moment at a Wedding

The idea that Mary is actually launching Jesus' ministry at Cana is a new thought for me. In the past I saw her as a concerned compassionate neighbor who wanted to help out, with little thought for the ramifications of a public miracle. But if in fact, as Jules says, she'd seen glimpses of his glory in his growing up times, then of course she would believe he was up to the task at hand. I really like Gire's take on Jesus' hesitation too. (I had a preconceived vision of a young adult man, still living at home, thinking "ohhh Mom! Get off my back!", much like my own sons might behave if I asked them to do something out of the ordinary.) But the Jesus portrayed here is very thoughtful in his hesitation. If he does this, life will never be the same. Maybe he has experienced his miraculous powers before, but in private ways... (there are a number of delightful myths about Jesus as a child performing healings) This is very public. This has been one of the best chapters for me so far.
And yes, the prayer at the end touched me too. I know at least three people I would insert in that prayer... four when I count myself.

An Incredible Moment at a Wedding

The other times I've read about this story I never really saw the meaning behind it. I never realized this was his very first miracle performed - that this would push him out to start his ministry of comforting the lost and downtrodden.

One part that really "got" me was when Gire writes:

"Without a word from his lips, without a touch from his hand, Jesus simply wills the water to become wine and in the sacred presence of that thought, the water prostates itself and obeys."

Oh. My.

Such was his power. If he wasn't fully aware of it before this moment, he surely is aware of it now - but my guess is if Mary knows he can do such a thing, she's seen him do it before and she knows that by askingthis of him he will be able to produce. In an odd, bizarre 1960's flashback, it reminded me of when Samantha on Bewitched saw her daughter, Tabitha, twitch her nose for the very first time. What was the first miracle Mary saw Jesus perform? When did she realize that not only was he God's chosen son, but that he was going to be endowed with such supernatural powers? It makes me wonder...

Then he wrote:

"The die was cast. The clock was wound. It would begin ticking down to the final hour of his destiny and set in motion the gears that would ultimately enmesh him and cost him his life. For the wine he provided at Cana would hasten the cup he would one day drink at the cross."

Oh. My. Again.

But, of course, it was the prayer at the end that did me in. When I got to the part where it reads, "I pray that you would take _______ and fill him with your spirit" I welled up with tears. My heart immediately filled with thoughts of my friend, Rebecca, and her family and how hard I have been praying that He will find a way to reveal Himself to her in a way that she cannot mistake - cannot push off - cannot deny. I finished the prayer in my mind with her lying across my heart, hands open, waiting for Jesus to swoop down and show Himself to her...and to all the others who need Him so very desperately, too...

An Intense Moment in the Desert

I have to say this is probably one of my favorite passages and stories in Scripture because of how much it has transformed me.

During a time of intense spiritual development, a mentor pointed out to me that Jesus' three temptations are at the root of all of our sins. All of our sins, stem from one of the following: the need to be needed, the need to be in control, the need to be the best. And unlike what happened with Adam and Eve, (who bought the half truth Satan fed them), Jesus stands firm in truth. He "knows" fully and deeply the heart of the Father. He is not tempted by believing some half truth, twisted version of God's word.

She pointed out that because Jesus has been tempted in the areas that we struggle and we can look to Him to help us stand firm. We go back to God's word and trust in Him and not believe the lies the enemy is telling us. We trust God's heart for us even if we can't "see" or "feel" Him. Consider while Jesus is going through this and being tempted, God the Father is not responding.

This applies to our struggles. Often times we think, we'll I'm struggling and I'm being tempted and God is no where to be seen. He is there and He wants us to trust His heart for us. It has been during these times of struggle that I have seen what God is doing but only afterwards.

I was telling Jules of an incident the other night. I woke in the night because my daughter got up with a bad dream. I went into her room and comforted her. After she fell asleep, I was overcome with negative thoughts. Feelings of inadequacy and of failure. I was overwhelmed with a desire to just give up and to quit. Not life, but ministry. I found myself sobbing and having a hard time finding truth. I felt so oppressed.

Finally, I found myself saying it doesn't matter what I feel I will do whatever God wants of me. I will not strive, I will not try to make it on my own but rather I will trust in Him. For when I am weak, He is strong. I will pursue His heart and trust in him and not believe in a someone who is known as the Father of Lies and whose language is lies.

Jesus, help me to remember that I am NOT a slave to my sin or my flesh. I am a slave to you my God and my King. I do not have to give into temptations or believe the lies of the enemy. By your example in the desert, I can see how to respond and by your blood, I have the power to overcome any attack from Satan. Jesus never let me forget your heart for me and trust in you.

Amen.