An Intimate Moment with Judas

(Okay, bare with me...I'm doing this without the book in front of me.)

I have the hardest time with people who betray other people and it doubles me over when they do it for financial gain. When the lives and reputations of people are put below the cost of currency it cheapens who we are so badly that our own lives take on no worth. Perhaps that's why Judas committed suicide??? For what you do to one man you do to yourself. Where have I heard that before? Don't remember but I think it is one of the great truths of life. You cannot betray a friend and not betray yourself. You cannot sell a human being for profit and not take away the value of your own life. You "do unto others" and "love your neighbor as yourself" because these things are vital to our existence as loving, breathing human beings.

I remember not too long ago when I first realized that Jesus picked Judas KNOWING he would be the one to betray him - that just blew me away. (Oh, that we should all see our own enemies this clearly!) Little by little I am beginning to change how I view everything I read in the Bible because I am starting to see things from the eyes of God instead of from my own sinner's eyes. "Why would Jesus ever choose someone to betray him?" is what I used to think. Now, I see how the prophescy had to be fulfilled and he had no choice but to do this. It does make me wonder, though, if the 3 and 1/2 year ministry of Jesus Christ wouldn't have been longer if Judas had not been quite so greedy? It just amazes me that people were living to be easily 100+ years old back then and Jesus gets killed at 33? Not 62? Not 98? Is there anything in the prophesy that said his ministry would be so short? Hmmm...

This chapter of Jesus' life always makes me think of the 40 days in the desert. There, He got the upper hand on Satan and pretty much showed him who was boss. Here, He stands in silence and let's him win this hand. How tough that must have been for Him! Of course, He probably knew that only through dying would he win the game against Satan and stop death from claiming all of us. But as a man with human emotions, this had to just really get under His skin - maybe even more than Judas' actual betrayal did.

In the end, Judas realized what he had done and found life unliveable. At least we know He "got" it at that point. That he finally saw clearly what He had done and what He had missed out on. As someone who has stood at the brink of suicide a few times in my (past) life, I can tell you it takes so much pain to get to that point. That, for me, is the proof I need that perhaps Judas realized who Christ was at that very last moment of His life. And that leaves me with the hope that Addie is looking for - that maybe he redeemed himself instead of going to die that fiery eternal death. It's certainly not that he doesn't deserve it - but I just cry thinking He stood that close for all those years and never SAW who Jesus was. Lord, thank you for opening MY eyes before it was too late.