An Intense Moment In Jerusalem
Talk about your dejavu...
I read this chapter Sunday morning before leaving for church, only to sit down and have pastor's message start off with the story of Jesus as a 12-year-old boy being left behind during passover! I kept sitting there thinking, "I could have swore I just heard this..." and then realized - I just had! Well, that was a moment I'll remember for awhile, let me tell you.
I found this chapter to be nicely informative but it didn't really "grab me" until I got to the end of the prayer. From this point on I didn't know whether to be ecstatic or whether to throw up:
"I know if I love you the way she loved you, my heart will never be safe. Someday you will unsettle my life. And someday a sword will pierce my heart, too."
I can't TELL you how many times I have sat and wondered about the correlation between my finding God again and my finding out my heart is no longer "working" correctly. That the two became known to me in such close proximity to each other leaves me forever wondering if the two events are not closely related to each other in more ways than time. And then, considering the week I had last week and to then find this prayer waiting for me - its all just a little too much.
"And someday a sword will pierce my heart, too."
Was it all the years of living a life turned away from Jesus that led to the physical destruction of my heart or, perhaps, it was that, when I found Him again He pierced my heart with His sword - literally? Was His presence in my heart so great that it could not withstand the promise of His love? Or...is it all just a coincidence that I would find Jesus and then find out about my ailment in a matter of mere months?
The human side of me knows it is probably a condition I had been developing for quite some time and is, therefore, unrelated. But, the spiritual side of me knows God has a hand in ALL things and that I can never rule out that His sword marked me as His - literally and figuratively.
And that, my dear friends, is why this chapter has so far been the most meaningful for me. It plunges my mind back into the question that will never be answered in this lifetime:
Did my emotional reconnection with Jesus leave an actual physical battle scar on my heart? I really can't help but wonder...
I read this chapter Sunday morning before leaving for church, only to sit down and have pastor's message start off with the story of Jesus as a 12-year-old boy being left behind during passover! I kept sitting there thinking, "I could have swore I just heard this..." and then realized - I just had! Well, that was a moment I'll remember for awhile, let me tell you.
I found this chapter to be nicely informative but it didn't really "grab me" until I got to the end of the prayer. From this point on I didn't know whether to be ecstatic or whether to throw up:
"I know if I love you the way she loved you, my heart will never be safe. Someday you will unsettle my life. And someday a sword will pierce my heart, too."
I can't TELL you how many times I have sat and wondered about the correlation between my finding God again and my finding out my heart is no longer "working" correctly. That the two became known to me in such close proximity to each other leaves me forever wondering if the two events are not closely related to each other in more ways than time. And then, considering the week I had last week and to then find this prayer waiting for me - its all just a little too much.
"And someday a sword will pierce my heart, too."
Was it all the years of living a life turned away from Jesus that led to the physical destruction of my heart or, perhaps, it was that, when I found Him again He pierced my heart with His sword - literally? Was His presence in my heart so great that it could not withstand the promise of His love? Or...is it all just a coincidence that I would find Jesus and then find out about my ailment in a matter of mere months?
The human side of me knows it is probably a condition I had been developing for quite some time and is, therefore, unrelated. But, the spiritual side of me knows God has a hand in ALL things and that I can never rule out that His sword marked me as His - literally and figuratively.
And that, my dear friends, is why this chapter has so far been the most meaningful for me. It plunges my mind back into the question that will never be answered in this lifetime:
Did my emotional reconnection with Jesus leave an actual physical battle scar on my heart? I really can't help but wonder...
posted by HeyJules at
8:26 AM
3 Comments:
In my universe everything is related. Perhaps without Jesus in your life the knowledge of your heart condition would be a worse burden to endure... the senselessness of it all! And yet here you are, making sense in a very spiritual way, connecting with the ground of your being at a time when you need it most... :)
By
Claire Joy, at 9:18 AM
I agree with CJ wholeheartedly. Because of the Lord you are able to see greater ramifications and have a peace about you are experiencing. I can guarantee the peace would not be there w/o Him!
You continually blow me away, Girlfriend! :D
By
Pilot Mom, at 9:22 AM
Jules, I have to admit - I instantly thought of you when I read that part of the prayer, and I wondered how you were affected by it as well, and I was hoping you would post on that... :)
By
dangermama, at 1:21 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home