An Intense Moment at Bethelem
As I read this chapter I was sick at thinking how often I have been like Herod in my life. Not literally killing people but figuratively. Before I was a follower of Christ and even in the early days of my walk with Him, I was a "ladder climber".
I longed to be at the top. I wanted to run with the big dogs. I wanted to be the queen bee. I wanted people to bow down and worship me. I remember trash talking people who worked with me careful to point out their every flaw so that I could rise above them. It was like a cancer in my soul.
And I specifically remember the day it was revealed to me. God removed the scales from my eyes and I saw what I had done and been doing to gain power and prestige and popularity. How I was working to get people to worship and adore me. It was very painful. I can't believe I had caused that much pain to others just so people would like me. It was people pleasing taken to an extreme.
I still have to fight that nasty thing in me that longs to be affirmed, recognized, celebrated. It is a longing in me that the enemy twisted and warped.
It is for this reason, that I have to stay diligent about my solitude and silence with God. I have to continually check my heart to make sure that I am growing more in love with God and more in love with others.
I don't want to be a Herod. I don't want to be someone who cuts people down so I can be lifted up. This is the way of our world.
God, help me. Help me to stay humble. Help me to be a servant leader. Never let me forget that only You are worthy of praise and worship and let me take my need to be approved and affirmed to you. Amen.
I longed to be at the top. I wanted to run with the big dogs. I wanted to be the queen bee. I wanted people to bow down and worship me. I remember trash talking people who worked with me careful to point out their every flaw so that I could rise above them. It was like a cancer in my soul.
And I specifically remember the day it was revealed to me. God removed the scales from my eyes and I saw what I had done and been doing to gain power and prestige and popularity. How I was working to get people to worship and adore me. It was very painful. I can't believe I had caused that much pain to others just so people would like me. It was people pleasing taken to an extreme.
I still have to fight that nasty thing in me that longs to be affirmed, recognized, celebrated. It is a longing in me that the enemy twisted and warped.
It is for this reason, that I have to stay diligent about my solitude and silence with God. I have to continually check my heart to make sure that I am growing more in love with God and more in love with others.
I don't want to be a Herod. I don't want to be someone who cuts people down so I can be lifted up. This is the way of our world.
God, help me. Help me to stay humble. Help me to be a servant leader. Never let me forget that only You are worthy of praise and worship and let me take my need to be approved and affirmed to you. Amen.
posted by Anonymous at
4:27 PM
2 Comments:
Shannon,
Although this might still be buried in your conscience somewhere (this desire to rise above others at their expense) it must no longer be in your heart.
I say that because I have grown to know you more and more these past months and I have never seen even the smallest evidence of it. Not a hint. Not a glimmer. You are all about pointing out the best in people now and smiling about it and that is what makes your soul so perfect for the job that He has called on you to do.
By
HeyJules, at 5:15 PM
What a wonderful testimony by someone who knows you! :) However, I do think, if we are honest with ourselves, we all have a tendency toward this. Maybe some more than others. But it is soooooooooooooooooo easy to think of oneself 'better' than another. Or to make a "joke" that is a 'cut down' of another. Actually, all of that type of stuff is wrapped around a small kernel of truth and then blown out of proportion. And, it elevates you above them. I know I've been corrected in this area too but I still can so easily fall into this without careful viligence.
By
Pilot Mom, at 10:26 PM
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